Time to downsize

Fill in...Fill out...

2011-06-12T22:45:00.000+10:00

I had my first fill on Friday, 3.5mls, and well, it was an interesting experience.

I have only ever had one fill before, and it stayed with me for less than two weeks, before I had it all removed. Then I promptly lost 30kgs. Sounds easy doesn’t it? Oh, did I forget to mention that I was pregnant and full of hormones that made it nearly impossible to eat anything for 10 months? No?

I am about to experience what it is like to have a lap band without the hormone factor. I was so worried that it wouldn’t work for me, I didn’t really let myself believe. I know that sounds crazy and negative and self defeating all at once, but the experience I had with the lap band the first time round just seemed too good to be true. I guess it was in some ways, if you think about how it all ended, but I lost a great deal of weight very quickly and without too much drama until the end. In some part of my mind, I really did believe that the hormones were responsible for most of my restriction and thus, the weight loss only occurred because of that side affect.

My first fill experience put that hypothesis to rest. I had 3.5mls injected and went to sip some water in the waiting room to make sure it went down ok. BOOM!!!! That crushing feeling in the chest, accompanied with the extra saliva production and gagging reflex brought the memories flooding back! Oh. My. God. How could I have forgotten what it felt like to have something stuck? How could I have so much restriction with just 3.5mls? And the best thought of all? This is going to work...this is REALLY going to work for me without the added impact of hormones.

I went back into the doctors office and she removed 1.5mls and I felt the water move down into my stomach...relief! But she took out another.5ml just to be sure. I swell up so much as soon as there is any irritation of my stomach and she didn’t want me occluding so early on in the piece.

I have some restriction now, but it is only enough to make me eat really really slow. I still need the a bit more I think so I will head back to see the doctor this week and maybe have another .5ml put in to see what happens.

I am pretty excited....:)

Seven days after surgery and I am pain free and feeling great.

2011-05-24T20:39:00.000+10:00

Oh.....and HUNGRY!!!!!.

I forgot about the bit of time between the actual placement of the band and the first fill. This time around is going to be so different in many ways, it will be like getting a band for the very first time. For instance, last time round, I only ever had one fill, and unbeknownst to me, I conceived my fourth child two weeks after. The effect of the pregnancy hormones on my ability to swallow anything was impossible to ignore. Of course because I didn’t know I was pregnant, I just assumed that the 4 mils of saline I had in my band was working it’s arse off...overachieving in fact. So I was back at the surgeon within a month getting some fill taken out. Then the week after that, all of it was gone. I never had any more fill in my band, but I had amazing restriction for the duration of my pregnancy and had lost 30kgs in the first ten months of my banding. WOW!!!!

I am very curious to see how my restriction goes this time, without the aid (or hindrance) of the pregnancy hormones. I obviously have none at all right now, as getting through the first week of just fluid was pretty hard. By the last day I was snapping at everybody and feeling very grumpy in general.

Anyway, one week in and all is well. Talk soon,

Tracey

In band land again....woohoo!!!

2011-05-19T14:40:00.000+10:00

Well, I am home, and I have a band again. I didn’t realise how much I missed my back stop until it was back in place. And it isn’t even ‘active’ yet, but anyone with a band will know what I mean, it is like an extra conscious that helps me to make the correct eating decisions. I LOVE my band.

the experience was no where near as traumatic as I expected it to be. The surgery did take a couple of hours as the surgeon had to do some serious cutting. My stomach was joined to my liver by adhesions for a start, so that had to be fixed up. She said it was still very firm to do up and she really expected me to swell up much more than I did, so I am extremely relieved with the outcome I had. Mind you, I was super cautious. Nothing went into my oesophagus except for saliva for a 24 hour period, and I mean nothing. Even when I cleaned my teeth, I ensured that not a skerrick of water went down the back of my throat.

After 24 hours, I had a bowl of chicken broth and a cup of tea on the tray and just took my time, five minutes a spoonful, making sure that nothing was blocking up. I could not believe how good I felt, I guess it was mainly relief as I was expecting a more painful outcome.

Just a short note to say all is well, and I feel great. Updates to follow of course.

Tracey

5th time is the charm!

2011-05-15T20:50:00.001+10:00

Well, as the title implies, I am giving it another go. I am scheduled to go under the knife on Tuesday morning this week. So, the surgery history so far reads likes this:

first surgery to insert the band
second surgery to undo it after my caesarean
third surgery to reinstall the band
Then fourth surgery to remove my band after being totally occluded and not being able to swallow even my own saliva.
This will be my fifth surgery, to put in a new band.

To say I am scared is an UNDERSTATEMENT! I am terrified that I won’t be able to swallow for 3 – 5 days, even though the surgeon is prepared for it and has explained how they will manage it. The medical staff may be prepared physically to deal with it, but I am definitely not prepared mentally yet. I remember the pain from last time and it was horrible.

But....

I really miss my band. I know it works. And that’s that.

I was 108kgs when I had my first band placed in November 2008, ten months later, on the day my baby was born, I was 88kgs. One week later I was 78kgs, 30kgs lighter than my starting weight.

Today I am 98kgs. The numbers speak volumes, don’t they?

Anyway, I have had a couple of conversations with my surgeon and read a tonne of blogs, and really feel as though I need to give it another go. I will let you know how I get on after my surgery. Cross your fingers for me.

Kitty at 18 months!

2011-04-30T20:49:00.001+10:00

Kitty with me (so you can see why I am back at the surgeon)

Kitty with my gorgeous granddaughter, Elsie. Look how happy these two little princesses look! What a joy they are. I have another granddaughter now, little Lucy. She is a precious premmie bubba. Arriving 7 and a bit weeks early. But doing fabulously now. Piccies to come.

Am I mad?

2011-04-30T16:57:00.000+10:00

Hello fellow bloggers,

I had my appointment with the surgeon this week. I am soooo confused! She explained that the gastric sleeve is NOT the option for me; due the amount of fibrous tissue my body develops. I could easily develop tissue that occludes my stomach, and then due to the sleeve, there would be no room to move to fix it up! That is SCARY!!!!

So, we talked about re-visiting the band. I’ve got to be honest, I am still mighty scared. I remember very very clearly the amount of pain associated with my saliva stockpiling in my oesophagus and not being about to swallow A THING until my lap band was removed. This was well over a year ago now, but I still remember it like it was just yesterday.

Anyway, this is what my surgeon told me. She has seen what happened to me a few times since my surgery now, and says it is the result of my hypersensitive stomach responding to the lap band by swelling up due to an inflammatory response.
Makes sense....anyway, what she does now, is keeps the patient in hospital for 3 to 5 days, on a drip, spitting up their saliva, treating the pain, until the stomach swelling goes down enough to get fluids down the oesophagus.

Scary

Very Scary

But....I miss my band! I really do.

I have made a tentative appointment to have the surgery in about a month’s time, but I need to confirm the appointment early next week. I am really conflicted right now. What if the swelling doesn’t go down? What if my stomach slowly occludes again, like last time? What if I go broke paying for anaesthetic bills for the rest of my life? It costs me $1500 every time I have the bloody surgery, even though the surgeon bulk bills me. But, the pain of money is my smallest concern right now.

They say that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing three times (or more) and expecting a different result. This will be the third time I have a lap band put on....am I mad?

Well hello there

2011-04-08T22:22:00.000+10:00

Nearly a year since I have posted, and it feels like ten! I cannot believe how much has happened, and how very busy I seem to be every single day...but I am LOVING every single second of it. I will do an in-depth update very soon, with all the details. But here is a mini version:

Life is good, all the family are well and happy. I am well, and getting fatter by the day. Of course. Was there ever any doubt about that happening?
No, I guess not.

Anyway, I have started to think about getting a sleeve. Does anyone know of anyone that has lived with the procedure for five years or more? I would love to hear from you, and I want to hear the good, the bad and the ugly, ok?

I promise to put some updated photos of the gorgeous Kitty up very soon, who is one and a half now, can you believe that? She is such a beautifully natured little girl, and I love every moment of my life with her. I will also share some shots of my two beautiful granddaughters...I am truly blessed.

I know I have been missing in action...literally.

2010-07-10T10:01:00.002+10:00

Top of the morning to you all.

Well, first off, I must apologise. I know I vanished off the face of the earth for while. There are many reasons, many! But the main one was that I felt like a fraud. Keeping a blog on weight loss surgery (WLS), but not having anything but scars and stories to prove it! I felt like I wouldn't have anything further to contribute in regards to lap banding. I now realise that of course I have a contribution to make. Lap banding is not for everyone. And any people considering having a lap band implanted need to assemble as much information as they can. If someone considering the surgery reads this, and knows that they form adhesions, or scar tissue from surgery easily, then they need to have a seriously loooong look at the consequences.

I also have to admit that I thought reading everyone else's WLS blog would depress me and I thought closing down my blog would stop me reading them. It hasn't, I am still reading everyone's blog, and you know what? I am enjoying it! I feel somehow connected to you all...funny isn't it? It does not upset me in the least to read about your successes, in fact, it gives me great pleasure!

I have found that I miss making my monthly contributions. It is a great outlet for my addiction to writing. So, I am going to keep the blog open, and hope that it helps paint a more complete picture for anyone considering the surgery.

I will also keep my weight loss ticker going, who knows it may keep me motivated to keep the weight off. I live in hope...lol.

Bandit no more.

2010-06-12T20:08:00.001+10:00

Banded again! Then within 24 hours unbanded....forever!

I know, shocking news isn’t it?

I came back into hospital yesterday to have my band done up again. Surgery was scheduled for 1pm, so I fasted from the night before, and pre admission went well. Down to theatre and kaboom! Out like a light. I sort of gathered that there may have been a problem or two when I only left recovery at 5pm. I wasn’t really conscious until 6.30pm last night [writing this in hospital by the way].

Once I was really awake, I knew immediately that there was a problem. I ate two pieces of ice, then when that appeared to go down, they gave me some soup and a cup of tea. Well, one tablespoon of soup and two sips of tea later, I was in agony. Do not pass go, do not collect those nutrients! Situation stuck!

By this stage, the surgeon popped in to see me, she is such a great lady, and I know that this has really upset her as well. Anyway, she said to me...
Tracey, I have never seen anything like it. When I went in to do up your lapband, we couldn’t see it. In fact we started to worry that it had moved. When I noticed that there was a capsule of scar tissue totally encompassing the entire apparatus. Band and all.

So she cut away all the scar tissue, then there was more under the band connected to the stomach, which she cut away as well. Then she pulled the band together and did it up. Which she said was extremely tight, but she made a judgement call and left it in. She said to me when she visited post surgery taht I would never need a fill in my life. And I told her I certainly agreed with that as I could feel the tightness already.

We both thought we would give it 24 hours to settle down, then re-appraise, but the surgeon did think that we would be going back in on Monday to loosen it up if possible. Well, withing two hours of the soup and tea [remember 3 tablespoons in total, of clear liquid] I was in agony. Real chest cracking, deep unrelentless waves of pain. It was shocking. At least I could have drugs this time as I was not breastfeeding, but to be honest, I am gratefull for them, but they just took the edge off. I was writhing in pain. And on top of that, I had the worst shoulder tip pain from any of the three surgeries for the lapband that I had had so far. I must of looked quite a sight in my bed. Tubes coming out of me everywhere, drugs, drips, feetpumpers, hot wheat bags in three places...oh lordy!

Anyway, the night got worse! I can hear you say, how the hell could it have gotten any worse then that? Well it did. I had to spit up the saliva that was trying to go down my throat and it wouldn’t jsut come up, I had to make these noises like old men do clearing their throats, and it hurt of course. And are you ready for this? I got the bloody hiccoughs, can you imagine a worst time to have your oesophagus spasming? No, me either...

So, it was dreadful night. The surgeon was phoned and I was officially nil by mouth, is ay officially, because I had put myself on nil by mouth after the two sips of tea didn’t go down. The surgeon came to see me at 9am and we had surgery booked by 2pm by the time she left. I am so grateful for all the theatre staff that had to come in on a Saturday to operate on me, really I am. We had decided that it was time for the band to go. It was only going to stimulate more and more scar tissue and apparently, was not going to settle down. Unfortunately, I am one of the small percentage of people that the band does not suit.

As if to clarify this for me even further, one of the nurses this afternoon showed me photos from yesterday’s surgery and I will try to get my hands on them to share with you, they are amazing! You cannot see the band at all in the first shot, and then when the surgeon starts to cut away the scar tissue, the white of the lap band starts to appear. By the fourth or fifth shot you see the depth of the scar tissue and it is bloody scary! Anyway, by the time the surgery was due to start, I was an absolute mess, in so much pain, I was not lucid and just wanted whatever was going to happen, to happen.

I went in at 2pm, woke up at 3.30, feeling fantastic! I kid you not. Fantastic. I was back in my room by 4 and eating dinner [sandwiches and tea] by 6pm. OMG...I feel great. I am writing this blog from my hospital bed at 8pm, feeling grateful to be alive.

You know what? I think me and my band have done enough fighting over the past few years. I am glad the war is over and am happy to move on. Whilst I have lost 30kgs, and I am very happy with that result. I do believe that I need to put on my thinking cap now and come up with some new strategies to maintain my weight loss, ones that leave me feeling happy and healthy.

No surgery this week...

2010-05-19T13:55:00.002+10:00

I was on the trolley, fully prepared for surgery and the anaesthetist heard me breathing, stopped the cart, listened to my chest and vetoed the surgery. I was not disappointed from a medical point of view as I am not a risk taker, but it was frustrating as I had phoned the day before to let them know that I wasn't well, but they thought it would still be ok. I guess it could of been and they really couldn't make a decision like that over the phone...so, no band for me this week.

Now that it isn't done this week, it probably won't happen for a month. Next week I will still have some fluid on my lungs [they diagnosed the flu, not just a cold as I imagined it was] so that week is out. The week after that I have uni exams, so it can't happen then. The week after that would work, but if I had to do optifast for a week before hand, that would mean that I would be fasting the week of exams, so that is out as well. So we are probably looking at the second week in June now. I will keep you in the loop.

Kitty decided Sunday morning just gone that she doesn't want to breast feed any more, so just stopped! I was gutted!!! I could not get her to take the breast no matter what methods I tried. Sitting, standing, laying down, moving around. Nope! No more boobie for her. I continued to try throughout Sunday and Monday, then Tuesday I spent most of the morning at the hosptital only to be sent home at lunch time with no surgery, but still she wouldn't drink. I had been expressing up until then, but I thought there is no way I can keep this up, expressing, then bottle feeding, and she was only taking one bottle anyway. Little minx!!!

So, she is basically weaned. Can you believe it? 8 months old and already knows exactly what she does or doesn't want. If she wasn't such a great eater I would be concerned, but she eats really well from all food groups and takes formula from a sippy cup, so I am accepting the situation. I will of course keep a very close eye on her development.

Photos of Kitty at 7 months. [April]

2010-05-17T16:36:00.008+10:00

Playing with daddy and her niece [my grand-daughter, Elsie]

Looking out the window at Daddy while he was mowing.

That cheeky grin!

Look into those eyes, how could you ever say no?

My grand-daughter, Elsie, and my cute little puppy, Doogie.

Back to the drawing board...or cutting board is probably more appropriate.

2010-05-17T16:18:00.002+10:00

Well, as my last post indicated, I had a meeting with the surgeon, discussed many issues including the likelihood of more adhesions [hard to predict] and the cost of the anaesthetist [under a $1000 out of pocket]. Then we picked a surgery date…which is tomorrow! I know, I can’t believe it myself.
In the meanwhile, I have a crappy cold and am fairly congested, so I spoke to the anaesthetist today and he recommended an antihistamine today and he will assess me tomorrow. As you all know by now, I am not a risk taker when it comes to my health; I have too many children to be irresponsible…lol. So I will not go ahead with the surgery if in doubt.

Kitty decided on Saturday night that she was going to self wean, so she went right ahead and has refused my breast every feed since. Whilst this was a bit distressing initially [should read I was inconsolable and cried my eyes out], I can see that she is ready, so then, I must be too. She was down to three feeds a day from me, and three main meals of solids with two healthy snacks in between, so I know nutritionally, she is doing ok. It was just sad to see her drinking from a bottle for the first time in 8months. I felt excluded some how…oh well, time to move on, it was beautiful while it lasted, but in context, it was just a very small part of our life together.

I will update you all as soon as viable after the surgery, but be warned, the last week of uni is next week, so you can imagine how much study I am doing right now…in particular, I have two huge exams in two weeks time that I am reading up for, so my posts will be sporadic at best.
See you all when I am a bandster again…I am strapped in for the next ride of my life!!!

I think it's time.

2010-05-10T20:31:00.002+10:00

My gorgeous little bundle of joy is eight months old this week, can you believe it? As of this week, I have cut her breastfeeds back to three a day with the intention of cutting them to two a day from July when I start my placement for Uni. She loves real food and is thriving like you wouldn’t believe. I will post some photos next time. I said right from the beginning, as soon as my band was undone that I would get it done back up as soon as I finished breastfeeding. If I needed any more motivation though, I could just think about the amount of weight I have piled on. OMG...I have not weighed myself for two weeks now, as I am avoiding depression, but I think it is nearly a 12 kilo increase since Kitty was born. Oh well, it had to happen, having a lapband on for ten months last year was not going to miraculously FIX me, was it now?

I have an appointment on Wednesday to see the surgeon. I think it is time to talk about having my band done back up again. Which means more surgery if I decide to go ahead and do it. You will note that I am saying "talk" about it. That's right my friends, I have in fact been thinking about NOT having my band done back up. There are a couple of reasons for this, and that is why I am going to the see the surgeon, to discuss them.
Number one blip on my radar is the fact that even though my band is undone, food is still getting stuck. I have mentioned this in past posts, and I had not been too concerned about it until I really started to think about why it is happening. I have been so busy with all the bits and pieces going on in my life recently that I haven’t really given it too much thought. Now that I think about it, I am thinking that maybe I am having some adhesion issues again. I don’t know if you remember or not, but after my caesarean in September last year, I had to have emergency surgery to have my band undone due to the growth of adhesions in my abdominal area. The surgeon spent quite a while cutting them out. When I came out of surgery I could eat and drink easily for the first time in weeks. Well, over the past couple of months, I have developed a degree of restriction WITHOUT a band! I want to ask the surgeon if going back in will compound the issue and if she thinks I may develop even more adhesions. I am not in any pain on a regular basis, only when food gets stuck, and it eventually goes down, it has not limited my eating in any way. [I have put on too much weight for that!]
The other issue I want to discuss is the cost. I know that the surgeon shouldn’t cost any more than what medicare will pay, so I shouldn’t be out of pocket for her services, but I want to talk to her about the anaesthetist’s fees. The difference between my initial anaesthetist bill and my second surgery was nearly $1000. I think the reason for this was that the first surgery required a specialist to deal with a morbidly obese patient and the second round of surgery was able to be performed by a general anaesthetist. So, I want to clarify the cost before I go ahead as well.
Anyway, I will let you all know what I decide and also what the surgeon says on Wednesday.

Brief check in

2010-04-15T16:07:00.003+10:00

Hi all, just a quick update. All is well, weight isholding steady at about 86 - 87 and the emotional rollercoaster is under control. (for now)

I am making an appointment to visit the surgeon in the next few weeks, the purpose of which is bi-fold. I want to discuss scheduling a surgery to have my band done back up, but I also want to talk to her about the possibility of more adhesions forming over the past 7 months. The reason i am curious to find this out is that several food types (the ones I shouldn't be eating a.nyway) are getting stuck more frequently. I can not eat white bread, chips and struggle with anything deep fried. I know, I know, food I should stay away from anyway, but the fact that my band is totally undone and I am experiencing this more and more is starting to scare me. Especially since I now have a medical dictionary and have investigated adhesions. Too much information about some things is really, too much information.

Study is going really well, and I don't feel like I am struggling with the work load or concepts, which was a great relief.

Kitty is seven months old now, and going great guns...she is sitting up straight, crawling, pulling herself upright on the furniture, or me when I sit still for too long and has three teeth cut through, with about four more poised to break through.

I will post some piccies when I am on the computer that has the images stored. That's all for now, I said it would be short didn't I?

I want to like what I see...really I do.

2010-03-28T13:31:00.001+10:00

Why is it so hard to like my body? I can’t even look at it without cringing now, and yet, while I was pregnant, I felt as if I looked great. I felt vibrant, healthy, glowing in fact. But now…I can’t stand to look at my reflection. Seriously, when I am getting undressed for a shower, I deliberately stand where I cannot catch myself in the mirror, and if I do catch a glimpse of my body I quickly turn away.

I was in a shop on Friday, a shoe shop in fact, and the store designers obviously thought it would be a great idea to put mirrors on every flat surface in the shop.

I had to leave.

I kept catching images of myself whenever I looked up and every single time, without fail, I felt sick in my stomach at my appearance. I must have something wrong me, seriously, because although I have put on some weight since having Kitty, [8kgs] I am still only around 87kgs. I would have been over the moon at that weight any time over the past 10 years or so. I can’t believe I am so distressed at how I look at that weight now.

It has really taken me back to the feelings I have experienced throughout my lifetime. When I think about, there haven’t been many years out of my 45 that I have actually liked how I looked. I am even starting to worry now, that once I lose some more weight [once I have the surgery to have my band done up again] that I won’t be happy with how I look. I will be saggy, and lumpy and gross….

What is my problem? Maybe I should be seeing a counselor, not a dietician. Who knows….but what I do know, right now, is that I have extremely poor self image.

Some photos of Kitty...

2010-03-13T14:47:00.006+10:00

Here are some recent shots of Kitty. Learning to crawl, just playing, and eating! She is such a joy!

Awakening the scholar within.

2010-03-13T14:19:00.000+10:00

Well, haven’t I started on an interesting journey?

I am LOVING it!

I had no idea how empowering learning can be. To actually open your mind, and let the information you are reading or listening to form links with any prior knowing you have, is a wonderful thing. My thirst for knowledge is likened to savouring a sip of icy cold pure water sliding down my parched throat. It is refreshing, and regenerating.

As you may or may not remember from a very early post, I left school in grade 9 at 14 years old. It wasn’t that I did not enjoy learning, not at all. One of the reasons I left was that I felt trapped in an establishment that made rules for rules sake and I was a VERY strong minded individual. [Still am!]

I also left because I felt it was pointless to stay and endure these archaic teaching methods and gain a great result, all for no real purpose. I felt like this because I had told my parents from a very young age that I wanted to be a vet when I grew up. Little girls dream all the time, don’t they, and they are told that they can be whatever they want to be when they grow up. Well they should be told that anyway.

But I wasn’t.

I was told to wake up to myself. There was never going to be any money for me to go to university. No-one in my family’s history had gone to university, why would I imagine myself to be better than any of my forefathers, and go off to university? I had to get a job and leave home as soon as possible. Or even better, find a man with a good job and move in with him as soon as possible. Whatever came first, but basically, the message was, we have done our bit now, and our responsibility for your care is over. [another long blog one day about how that was the exact opposite of what was provided for me]

Anyway, my education from scholarly institutions was over at a young age. I proceeded to the next stop, which is ‘the school of life’. Of this, I was a diligent student, and continue to be so today. My participation in life’s classroom has led me to now, a period of my life I am referring to as “my time”. It is my time now to grow my mind, it is my time now to visit past dreams and gently tap them to see if they are still breathing and prod them to life…to be a vet or nurse, or whatever I dream I can be.

I can.

I am.

The calm before the storm.

2010-02-05T08:20:00.002+10:00

Well hello to anyone who drops in to catch up on what’s happening in my neck of the woods.

I have some news.

I have been accepted into the nursing program at CQUniversity. Woohoo!!! This is the first step in my journey to become a midwife. I am so happy. I have wanted to be a midwife for so many years I feel as though it has been in the back of mind forever. Until now, I have not been in a financial position to leave work to study, so I haven’t. Simple as that. But now, because I am going to be a stay at home Mum for the first time in my life, and because I have a wonderful support network of friends and family, I can do it! So I enrolled. I am going to be studying by flex, so I hardly need to leave my house for the first semester at all, just to attend residential schools later in the term. In the second semester of this year, I will be required to do two days per week placement in a hospital, but Kitty will be 10 and a half months old by then, so that will be fine.

The nursing degree takes 3 years to complete [if I pass everything first go that is] and then the Midwifery Grad Dip takes 18 months after that. In another post I will talk about what I hope to do with my Midwife qualifications once I have them. It may surprise you!

This is huge news for me on many levels. It is very hard to go back to basics when you have been in senior management positions, including running your own business, for over 20 years. I will have to get used to being the bottom of the food chain again…I thought those days were over…lol. Also, I am a bit apprehensive about my ability to learn. Does that sound silly? I have no idea how I am going to go in regards to soaking up the volumes of information that is going to be said to me, shown to me and read by me. I hope it sticks!

I have been doing a lot of pre study prep work since I found out that I was accepted into the course and I have done several online quizzes to find out what sort of learner I am, and how to capitalize on those traits and how to strengthen my weaker ones. I am so nervous. I want to do well and pass all my courses first go round but if I fail any of them, and if I am given the opportunity to, I will do them again until I pass. I REALLY want to be a midwife.

I received all my books yesterday, and the nursing ones look fine, and I understand the majority of chapter headings etc, but the anatomy and physiology ones look VERY daunting. I am planning on skimming through them all before the term actually starts, but I don’t know how realistic that is. Only one way to find out I guess…

Anyway, I titled this post the calm before the storm because that is how I am feeling right now, my life feels like it is on an even keel. Kitty is a fabulous baby and gives me plenty of me time throughout the day, she is a pleasure to be with when she is awake and goes to bed between 6.30 – 8pm every night and sleeps until around 6am. My weight, whilst more than I want it to be, is probably ok considering my band is totally undone and just floating around in there somewhere. In the back of my mind I know that as soon as I go in for the surgery and have it done back up the weight will fall off me. I know this to be true so it isn’t REALLY bothering me that I have put more weight on since I have HAD the baby, than the nine months BEFORE the baby. Can you believe that? Imagine how much weight I would of put on whilst pregnant if I wasn’t banded….I shudder to think.

So life right now is calm and is even starting to look like it has a routine…time to shake it up a bit, don’t you agree? I will of course, keep you updated in regards to my baby, my weight, my life and my study throughout this year, but it may be a little more sporadic. I’m just sayin’……..

Milk Factory increases production…

2010-01-27T09:13:00.007+10:00

Well, as the title suggests, I have increased milk production. I have deliberately done this over the past three weeks due to Kitty not putting on much weight the four weeks prior to that. She was only averaging about 30gms a week. Not enough!!!

I was feeling quite good about my eating, and my weight, as I was holding steady at 83kgs. My appetite had leveled out, and I was only eating at meal times and even then, good portion sizes, so I was feeling in control. Obviously, I had cut down quite dramatically and did not realize it until my milk production reciprocated by reducing output. Oh-oh, time for action!

So, I had to increase input, to increase output. It is so hard to find that fine line and walk it without toppling over to one side. I have gained 2kgs in three weeks now….oh well. My milk supply is fantastic though, and Kitty is thriving again. So that is my priority right now and I am certainly not going to let myself feel down about gaining a few kilos at this crucial time of her development.

BUT…what I can do, is move more. I need to get some exercise and move this body. There is no excuse now for me not to do this, as Kitty is such a good baby, there are certainly several times a day when I have enough time to myself that I could pull out the Wii and do some exercise. I haven’t even looked at how to use the bloody thing! I am going to start today!

We had a beautiful day yesterday, Australia Day. I reflected throughout the day on how very blessed we are to be born into this rich, bountiful Country and to call it home. We spent the day with those we love, doing things we love to do. I have attached some photos to share the love.

Kitty and I

Watching the tennis.

Too Cute!!!

Elsie, my granddaughter and our new puppy, Doogie.

Fred and I with Kitty

Fred on the court.

Happy New Year.

2010-01-06T19:57:00.004+10:00

To You and Your's.

I have to say, I am really glad to see the start of the New Year. Of course I am ecstatically happy that last year brought me the gift of a precious new daughter and a gorgeous granddaughter, both healthy and happy. But the last six weeks of the year were quite a strain. Both of my elder girls have been in for two surgeries over that period of time, both of them having an emergency surgery that kept me on tenterhooks until we received the all clear from recovery. They are both fine now and I am sure, looking forward to this new year as much as I. In that same period of time, my third daughter, [who I used to refer to as my “baby”, or “my youngest”, not any more] had a feinting spell that then turned into a fit/seizure. It absolutely terrified me. No Joke. I am sure I aged 10 years that morning alone. The doctors could find no cause for this and have reassured me that it doesn’t look as though it was anything super serious, it could have been because it was early in the morning, and she hadn’t eaten, or it could have been from lack of sleep and too much junk food the night before as she had a friend over for a sleepover. Anyway, I have never been happier to see the clock turn over on December 31.

But…in heralding in the new year with such glee and relief, I started to think too much about time, and how it slips through our hands like wisps of air. Unstoppable and forever relentlessly marching on. It actually started to depress me a little [pregnancy hormones maybe?] and I started to dwell on the future too much and started to forget to live in the present. I had to remind myself to really enjoy every single minute of each and every day. I know that sounds [is] impossible, as each day brings with it the chance of something bad happening, as well as something great. But to waste today thinking about what COULD happen tomorrow, or even twenty years down the track is an absolute waste of THIS day’s time. This has become a mantra that I replay over and over in my mind, LIVE TODAY. LIVE THIS DAY right now. I am actually designing another tattoo [did you know I had one?] for my wrist as a reminder to me to live in the moment. I will share it with you when I have decided on the design.

I think what really started me off was thinking about Kitty, and that even if Fred and I have a really really long life, she will still lose us both relatively early. It made me sad for her more than anything…but what I need to keep in perspective is how we enjoy each other’s company while we have the opportunity. Not to focus on the end of the journey, but to enjoy the ride while we can. This is what I am trying to do every day now and hopefully will continue to do throughout my life. Be present in the present.

I guess when we love our life so very much, and feel truly blessed as I do; it is only natural to want it to last forever.

Talking about things going on and on and on…Fred and I celebrated 30 years together this week, on the 4th of January. That’s not our wedding anniversary, which is 27 years this March, but it is our “going out” anniversary. Sweet huh? He is such a great man, I feel so very lucky to have had him in my life for 30 years already, and again, where has the time gone? If time were currency, I would say that I have spent mine wisely so far, I do not want to have come this far and spent it so well up until now, and then start squandering it on “what ifs” and “maybes”. Know what I mean?

Next post will definitely be about the subject of my blog, [my lapband in case you forgot as well as me] I promise.

Oh, and don’t waste YOUR TIME reading this if it is not interesting to you…go and marvel at one of nature’s gifts, phone a friend or browse through an old photo album. Spend it wisely.

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-25T22:10:00.004+10:00

And a very happy new year.

I hope you all got to spend time with your loved ones today. That is what it's all about in our house.

Funny Baby Story. [lots of photos too]

2009-12-16T06:57:00.016+10:00

We were putting up our unusual wattle Christmas tree the other night. [Photo above] Which takes three of us to do as we have to maneuvor fishing twine, floating tree and hooks, while standing on the dining room table. [The lengths we go to for Christmas cheer in our house would amaze and astound you]

Anyway, I put Kitty on her play mate about 3 metres away from us and listened to her gooing and gahing away while we worked. I noticed as soon as the sounds stopped and glanced over at her. She had rolled over a few times [this surprised me as she was just 10 weeks old] and ended up at the end of our lounge, and couldn't roll any further. Well, it was the funniest sight...this little tiny baby, laying on her side on the hard wooden floor, next to her play mat.

But...it gets funnier than that! I jumped down off the table and went to put her back on her mat, and she was fast asleep!!! On her side, on the floor. Can you believe it? Aren't babies funny? We blame all sorts of stupid things for them not going to sleep, and then they put themselves to sleep ON THE FLOOR when they are actually ready to go to sleep.

Oh well, thought I would share, as it certainly made me smile. Laugh actually. And for good measure, I will include a couple more recent photos of Kitty for you to have a look at. You can click on any of the photos to make them larger.

Merry Christmas!

Tracey

I waste a lot of hourse every day looking into these eyes.

Just after bath time. She had kicked water all over my shirt, that's why it is off.

Kitty and Daddy have such a long conversations. I love watching her try to frame her words. So beautiful.

I don't know what this look means, but I haven't seen it since!

Some professional ones below, when she was only six weeks old. Hasn't she changed?

And finally, Fred and I in front of our house, with all four of our girls. Life is good. [great in fact!]

To have and to hold…

2009-12-14T12:58:00.002+10:00

For better and worse…

Well in this case, it is definitely worse.

What I am talking about is another observation I have made now that my band is undone.I can eat and do things again. So I do! I can eat and drive, I can eat and watch tv, I can eat off my lap while I am out, I can even eat with one hand and drink with the other hand and talk…all at the same time.

What a huge difference to calorie intake this makes. Because of course, if you can hold it with one hand and eat, it is usually wrapped in bread or pastry and they are killers and you eat faster and more often. Well I do.

I was talking to my friend that has just been banded this week about the types of food to avoid, and it occurred to me that anything you can eat WITHOUT a knife and fork is bad. How easy is that formula to follow? I guess if you were desperate you could take home your big mac and eat it with a knife and fork, but you get the gist of what I am saying don't you? The superfluous calories associated with making our food “transportable” and quick and easy to eat, are loading us up with heaps of extra calories.

I remember feeling quite frustrated in my early days of being banded because if I did find myself out and about with 20 minutes or so to eat, my options were EXTREMELY limited. I could hardly think of what I could buy that I could eat from a take away food shop. So I stopped eating like that. I had to start planning ahead, and taking food with me.

Well, you know what? I didn’t really miss eating like that. I love fresh home prepared food. I really do. And my limited options ensured that I ate more of food like that. But and this is a huge BUT, now that I don’t have to think in advance about food again, I’M NOT!!! Lazy slacko that I am, I am eating on the run again. Eating take away, and fast food like it is going out of fashion. Disgusting!!!

So…I went grocery shopping yesterday and filled my trolley with all the types of food I shopped for while I was banded, fresh meat, lots of salad ingredients, a few crunchy savory biscuits like saladas and premiums. Lots of condiments.

Today so far has been great. But I am still eating too much bread, because it is TOO easy to prepare and eat a meal that is between two pieces of bread, so that is my next challenge. No bread.

Anyway, that is another piece of information that I will file away and give to anyone that asks me about banding. Share your thoughts with me if you have anything that you noticed about pre and post banding as, of course I am interested in hearing what you have to say on the topic as well.

I miss my band.

2009-11-23T08:18:00.001+10:00

Hello to all in bloggerland. Today is my weekly weigh in day, but I forgot to weigh myself before my two cups of tea, two glasses of water and three weetbix with peaches this morning, so of course my weigh in must be out by at least 2 kgs...

You know that is another thing about being banded that I forgot about. You play way less mind games with yourself about when to weigh, what time of day to weigh, and the amount of clothing you have on at the time. At least that is what I am like while I am not banded and eating like a bear before hibernation.

I miss my band. Sigh...

But, having said that, I am really enjoying breastfeeding, and I am certainly NOT losing sight of why I my band is undone right now and all the reasons for keeping it undone while I am breastfeeding. I just can’t help but keep reassuring myself that it will be done back up again within six months.

Mind you, I have no idea how much damage I am going to do to the scales while I am unbanded. I am like a woman possessed, all the old habits have come straight back into my diet. Carbonated drinks, drinking with my meals, large portion sizes, bread, pastry, ice cream every night. OMG, what is wrong with me?

You know, while my band was done up, I hardly ever wasted much time thinking about where my next meal was coming from, and what it was going to be, but now, again, I am planning each weeks meals with delight, seemingly packing in as many calories as possible!!! Again, when my band was done up, I hardly ever FELT hungry, only eating to be social or at meal times. I actually forgot what it feels like to have hunger pains. Since my unbanding, I have taken buscapan a couple of times thinking I had an upset stomach, when in fact, it was simple old hunger pains.

But the real kicker? Not feeling full after eating. When my band was in place, I would eat my pigeon sized portion with delight, savouring each bite, then feel satiated for the remainder of the night. Eating anything else simply made me feel bloated, or even worse, was painful, so of course, I didn’t eat anything else.

Now, I have gone right back to my old eating habits. Huge serving sizes for dinner, then about 30 minutes after, looking in the fridge, freezer or pantry for something sweet, then about an hour after that, looking for something crunchy or savoury to snack on while watching tv.

Sound familiar?

If you are considering having lapband surgery, and you eat like I have described in this entry, then it will work for you! Just like it worked for me while it was in place.

I can’t wait to have mine back!

I'm still here.

2009-11-14T21:58:00.003+10:00

Well hello lap band land friends…I have been busy busy busy. My lovely little bundle of joy is now 8 weeks old…yippee!!! Some how, life seems to spin back onto a nearly normal axis from around now. Up until this stage, all we seem to be doing is managing fatigue. Don’t you agree? Right about now though, we start to get larger blocks of sleep, Kitty is going down around 8ish now and waking up at 2ish, then 6ish, so you can see, my sleep quota has increased significantly in just the past week! Hallelujah!

So, on to banding news, even though mine is undone! I am really feeling it ladies. Piggyness that is. I cannot believe how much food I am managing to eat right now. It really brings home to me quite plainly, how I ended up in the state I did. OMG…I love food. Or maybe I just love eating, who really knows? And right now, I can fit it in. so of course, I am eating and eating and eating. Luckily, the scales are not being too bad…yet! I have managed to put on around 3kgs since having the band undone. I am serious when I tell you that as soon as I have decided to finish breastfeeding, I am having the surgery done that week. Seriously.

Onto brighter news, you know there is never a dull moment in my life, and if there is, for heaven’s sake I must do something about it…well, I have done something this week that will stimulate my mind for at least another three years. [As if I need more stimulation than a newborn can provide, but you know what I mean]

I have applied for a university placement in Griffith Universities Midwifery program. If I successfully gain a place, I will start on February 1st next year. WooHoo. I will, of course, keep you posted. I am so very excited at the prospect of participating, and successfully completing this degree. I cannot imagine a more fulfilling career [for me] than midwifery. One of the main reasons I have not done it so far in my life, is that up until now, in my home town, to become a midwife, I would have had to have done a three year nursing degree followed up be an eighteen month midwifery degree. I have never wanted to be a nurse. I appreciate and respect the hard work and dedication needed to become a nurse, but I was never interested in the “being sick” side of nursing.

I am passionate about ante and postnatal care being a natural part of women’s lives, and not being “treated” as an illness or sickness. Know what I mean? So, when I found out that Griffith is starting a dedicated midwifery degree next year, I was on the phone straight away. It turns out that their program is internal on the Logan campus, but due to the structure of the courses, if I secure my own clinical placement in my own home town [Rockhampton], and I meet the program criteria [shouldn’t be a problem] then I am able to participate.

I am so very excited about this, you cannot imagine. This is something that has been in the back of my mind for many years, so to actually be in a position now to achieve this goal is a wonderful thing. I will keep you updated, of course.

Anyway, I hope you are all well. To tell you the truth, I am so far behind in reading everyone’s blogs, I have no idea how you all are…but I am set to change that this week. Now that I am getting a decent amount of sleep every night, I should be right to spend some time on the PC catching up! I look forward to reading your most recent posts this week.

We had some professional photo's taken a couple of weeks ago, here is a sample of them.

Neglected Blog owner sighted...

2009-11-04T11:33:00.004+10:00

My blog is neglected! And the reason for this neglect I hear you ask me… I have to tell you the truth…I am totally besotted!!! With Kitty that is…lol. I get lost for minutes on end, just looking into her eyes. And don’t even talk about when she smiles and goos back at me! We could be looking at an hour going MIA then. Oh, I am enjoying this ride so much, I feel so lucky to have been given another opportunity to experience the fulfilment of motherhood at this stage of my life.

My weight seems stable at 80kgs, for now anyway. I really don’t understand how that can be, because, as I have mentioned before…I am eating like a trucker! That has not changed. I have two breakfasts, lunch, two dinners, and snacks throughout the day to fill in the gaps. When I don’t have food in my mouth, I have a glass of water or a cup of tea in my hand, or I am asleep. Fact! Oh well, we will see where this behaviour takes me, and then adjust accordingly later on. I am NOT going to jeopardise the wonderful Breastfeeding routine we have going on right now.

Attached are some photos I snapped yesterday while Kitty was playing on her mat. What a smile!

My friend that was lap banded is doing really well, she has lost 6.7kgs now in a couple of weeks, the most she has lost on any weight plan/program for years. But we knew it would work, didn't we? I am so happy for her.

Monday's weigh in and an eating update.

2009-10-19T11:54:00.000+10:00

All is well in my neck of the woods. I am eating a LOT of food, but my body is using it up apparently…so I am not too upset. I will just have to ensure that I schedule my rebanding surgery for the week I am planning of finishing breast feeding, because truthfully, if I continue to eat like this while I am not breastfeeding, I reckon I would be over 100kgs within weeks! I am really putting it away girls…I guess I am comparing it to what I have been eating for the past 10 months, and that wasn’t much, but still…

Life is good, Kitty is a wonderfully content baby, and sleeps for around 18 – 19 hours a day all up, so I am very well rested and really enjoying the awake times I have with her. She loves her bath time and I relish that every night. She smiled for the first time on Saturday; it literally brought tears to my eyes. Hormonal much? Kitty is feeding really well, I only have slight pain in my left breast from her not attaching to this side efficiently, but that is getting better every day.

All my war wounds are healing up, my Caesar cut is still a bit iffy, but I am due to see the OB Monday, and I am sure that he will put my mind at ease. It is definitely not infected, just not completely closed yet. My laparoscopic cuts from lap band surgery are all closed up and look like they have been there for months! No pain, totally fine. So yay!

A friend of mine is scheduled for banding tomorrow; I am so excited for her. She has struggled with her weight as long as me, but she has some SERIOUS co-morbidities, especially her knees. She has had several major surgeries on her knees trying to alleviate the excruciating pain that she endures, but even after all of that, she ended up on the drugs they give cancer sufferers, that is how much pain she lives with! I admire her so much for just getting through each day. Anyway, she doesn’t do surgery really well, particularly the anaesthetic side of things, so that has been the major deterrent in her NOT getting banded. But her symptoms have escalated to the point now, where the trade off is worth it. I am so excited for her. I will let you know how her surgery goes later on this week.

Weight wise, I have gone back into the seventies, thank heavens!!! So hopefully I will hold around 79 – 81 for as long as I can.

Eating wise, well as I mentioned above, if it isn’t screwed down, it is fair game…

I have the appetite of a truckie!

2009-10-08T17:20:00.002+10:00

Well, obviously my stomach sensitivity has settled down from the surgery now…I am perpetually hungry! If you are banded, and like me, you sometimes doubt the effectiveness of the band, DON’T!!! If nothing else, it keeps the hunger pains at bay. I am eating a huge amount of food right now. Seriously, I see why I was morbidly obese! I am giving myself until Monday [dieters deadline…lol] then I am going on a diet! A sensible one of course, due to me breastfeeding and all, but a diet just the same.

And if there was ever any doubt about me going back in for more surgery to get the band done up again…that doubt has evaporated. That band will be scheduled to be done up about one day after I stop breastfeeding. OMG…I am such a pig!!!

It will break my heart [and maybe a large part of my morale] to slowly [or quickly for that matter] put back on the majority of the weight I have lost. My daughter took a quick couple of shots of me with Kitty yesterday….attached for your viewing pleasure.

And when I looked at them, I thought, Tracey, you look fantastic!!! At the time, I had some sao’s with vegemite and butter on them in front of me, to be quickly followed by a tub of yoghurt, a cup of tea and two scotch finger biscuits. I kid you not. I was admiring a lovely photo of myself, while gorging down a tonne of food. What the hell???

Anyway, I must report that I am in tiptop shape, no pain, no baby blues, I feel great. Why wouldn’t I, I am eating enough food to sink the titanic! Baby Kitty is absolutely gorgeous and a genuine pleasure to have in the house, she is giving me such joy and I am so grateful to have been given this unexpected gift of another child at this stage in my life.

Until next time, lock up your fridge in case I come around…

An update from the woman who can eat!

2009-10-02T17:03:00.002+10:00

Well…what a novel thing it is to eat! I thought I would type up a quick update. First of all, I should be a little bit more specific about the “unbanded” term I used in my last post. Technically, I am still banded. It is still in a circle around my stomach. It is just unlocked, so it is loose. It turns out that I probably will not need to have it done back up again, as the adhesions [scar tissue] that formed around my stomach, under the band, have created a natural “band”. So, even though my band is unlocked, unloaded and just floating around, I have natural restriction. I still have suppressed appetite, I can still only eat about a cup of food in one sitting, and I still have to chew every single bite really really well. I am pretty happy with that!

But, let me tell you, I was a bit frightened the first few times I ate and still had the above effects. I was a bit confused, because the surgeon told me that the band would be really loose and have little to no affect on my stomach. Then I remembered that she told me that before she went inside and saw the scar tissue, those comments were made when she thought she was going in to fix a slipped band and a hiatus hernia. So, the first few times I ate, I was soooo scared that the surgery hadn’t worked and that I would have to go under again, I was in a mild state of panic. All under control now!!!

My eating is going well, I am eating from all the desired food groups, as well as taking a daily elevit, which is a prenatal and lactating vitamin. I am drinking a lot of fluids as well. All my surgery wounds are healing up nicely.

Here is a photo of Kitty from this morning. She is in training to become superwoman by the looks of this!!!

Unbanded!!! Here's what happened.

2009-09-29T22:16:00.000+10:00

Well, as mentioned in my last post, my restriction returned with a vengeance once my milk started to come in. I assumed it was the hormones required to produce the breast milk that had caused this. And it just got tighter and tighter over the next few days. To the point where last Thursday, I could not eat solids, nor even semi-solids. I was on clear fluids only. This, of course was stressing me out, as I am breastfeeding and it means the world to me to continue doing so, and I recognise that to do this successfully, I need to not only maintain a nutricius diet, but I need to be able to eat!

Friday morning I woke up and had a glass of water straight away, as I try to have a glass every time I think of it, and every time I put the baby to the breast. To help maintain my milk. Anyway, for the first time since I was banded, WATER got stuck. Not only stuck, but it came up like projectile vomiting. I was shit scared!!! As the day wore on, the restriction allowed me to go back to my clear fluids. I just kept telling myself that as soon as my body was in a breastfeeding routine, my stomach would settle down.

Remember of course, that I have NO FILL in my band, and have not had any fill since January, I only ever had one fill, in mid December, of 3mils, and I had it removed as soon as my pregnancy was confirmed as I was not eating solids due to over restriction. I have now lost 31kgs, with no fill in my band. That should have been a sign I guess.

Anyway, Saturday was much the same as Friday, nothing down until lunch time, then only clear fluids. Sunday, the situation escalated. I might add here, that I had already decided that I was seeing my surgeon on Monday, just to be safe, but I really thought it would settle down. Sunday, Fred and I were off to the wedding of very good friend of mine’s daughter. It was about an hour and a half away, and it started at 2.30pm. We left home at 12.30, and I had not eaten. We only just made the ceremony, so I was feeling hungry, tired, stressed and worried. Not a good combination. I developed a really bad headache and went back to the brides room while they were having their photo’s taken, to rest. While there, I tried to drink some water. It would NOT go down. This was around 4pm by now, and the last thing I had drank was around 9pm the night before. The last food I had eaten was soup at around 7pm the night before. We stayed at the wedding until around 8.30pm, I did eventually manage to get some water down, and gave hot chocolate a go around 7pm, which thank goodness, stayed down.

First thing Monday morning, I phoned the surgeon, she was wonderful. She told me to come up to the hospital as soon as possible. A barium swallow x-ray was booked for me. So, straight up I went, I had the barium swallow, and you are not going to believe this, but it went down. I started to think that I have head issues, seriously. I went back out into the waiting room, and of course, due to the barium going down, had some water. No go!!! The only way was up for that water, and so it came up. Due to the amount of vomiting I had been doing because of the tight restriction, my ceasar wound had not closed properly yet, and after I had vomited a couple of times in any given day, I would have a large amount of discharge from the wound. This of course was also frightening and distressing.

As soon as my surgeon received the results of the x-ray, she met me in the waiting room. Took one look at me, went to the nurses station and admitted me. She ordered an immediate IV. Once that was done, she said that the barium swallow revealed no problems, the band was in the correct place, the barium whilst slow, did go down. But having seen me, and recognising how gaunt and washed out I was, she knew something was seriously wrong. She was in surgery that day, and visited me in between operations, what a wonderful human being she is! Anyway, once I was admitted, and hooked up to an IV, she came in to see me to discuss our plan of attack. She order a CT Scan and blood work. She was thinking that due to my recent operation [Caesarean], I may have an infected band and the CT scan would help show up signs of this, and the blood work would confirm it.

I went off for the CT scan, shit scared of course, my number one priority at this stage was still being able to breastfeed, and I was so worried that my milk was drying up. [it has a bit, but I am building it back up now]. The CT results came back so quickly, it was wonderful service. Surprise, surprise, the CT scan showed a slipped band and a hiatus hernia that did not show up with the barium swallow. Thank goodness, I was not imagining things. And thank goodness my surgeon is so thorough!!!

The plan of action then was to go into surgery and either reposition the band, or undo the band, it was my choice. I had already decided that I wanted it undone, with my goal to continue to breastfeed for 8 – 12months. So I told my surgeon this, and she supported me 100%. That night was shocking. The surgery was scheduled for first thing this morning, but I had to get through last night first. OMG!!! I could not swallow saliva! It would build up in my oesophagus, and then I would need to vomit it up. Then my ceasar wound would discharge. My milk was drying up, so the baby was not sleeping, I was feeding her every 30 – 40 minutes trying to maintain what supply I did have. All up, it was probably one of the worst nights of my life. Anyway, we get through, don’t we? And so I was prepped for surgery this morning, having had around 2 hours sleep all night. I didn’t care, I was just so looking forward to the surgery being over and nursing my little girl again.

The surgery took a bit longer than expected, due to what she found when she got in there. I had a lot of scar tissue under the band, that had probably been there since the beginning. Hence my tight restriction all along. So, she cut away as much of the scar tissue as she could, then undid my band. I was in recovery after about an hour and a half of surgery, then back in my room an hour after that. I had to pump and dump my first breast feed, due to the drugs of a general anaesthetic, so Fred gave her a formula bottle for that feed, but I had her on the breast at the first opportunity after that. She has been sleeping well all afternoon, and only after feeds at 2 – 3 hour intervals, so hopefully, I am not too far behind the eight ball in getting my milk supply back. Tonight will be the test of course, I will see how often she needs to be fed tonight.

The hospital were great, they let her stay with me, and they also discharged me soooo early. I was so happy and relieved to come home this afternoon. Everything seems so much better as soon as you are home, doesn’t it?

OK, the plan for the future. I DO NOT want to put back on all the weight I have lost, of course, so I am going to keep myself on the straight and narrow by weighing weekly and putting my weights up on the blog. Hopefully, being accountable to this commitment will keep me honest. I will be ok with some weight gain, I guess up to around 8 kgs will be acceptable, due to a [hopefully] healthy breastfeeding diet, but I won’t accept anything more than that. As soon as I am able to, I am going to start moving more on a regular basis and hopefully that will help too.

My stomach looks like a dartboard with a smiley face cut into it. If you can imagine the Caesar wound as the smile…lol. Four more wounds today, but god, it feels so good to eat again. And that would have to be the understatement of the year…

Endorphins, the band and my weight.

2009-09-24T08:20:00.003+10:00

One week ago today, I gave birth to the newest addition to our family, Kitty Claire, and once again, I am reminded of the extreme feelings of love and devotion that arrive with the baby. I am a besotted mess! Honestly, she looked right into my eyes last night with such trust and honesty, I found tears streaming down my cheeks.

My cup truly runneth over.

She is feeding [I am breast feeding] and sleeping like a charm. Only waking a couple of times a night for a feed, then straight back to sleep. I am having more sleep now, than I was during the last four weeks of my pregnancy. And did I mention how happy I am? OMG, how many endorphins do we produce in this early stage of our newborn’s arrival? I wish I could put some in reserve for bad days down the track…lol.

OK, onto band news. Well, the first day I had Kitty I was on fluids until mid afternoon, then allowed to eat, and boy did I eat! Then, then following day, I could eat anything. And I did. Remember I hadn’t been able to eat much solid food for a few weeks prior, and I was really missing it. There is nothing like having a good chew!!! So, I was in my glory, I ate everything the hospital catering staff offered me, I just made sure I only ordered small portions.

Then, as soon as the hormones started to change in readiness for me to breastfeed, restriction was back. But nowhere near as bad as it was in the last few weeks of my pregnancy. Just enough in fact, to slow down my eating spree. I am managing a very good diet of good consistency, including a healthy serve from all the food groups and I feel FANTASTIC!!!

I wasn’t going to weigh myself for one month after the caesarean, but of course, could not resist once I arrived home. The day I arrived home, I weighed 80.7kgs, and I went into hospital weighing 88kgs. I am not going to update my ticker, or weigh myself now for a month, to let my body sort it self out. I don’t want to put too much pressure on my diet while I am getting Kitty into a good breastfeeding routine. I also DO NOT want to jeopardise my ability to breastfeed. It is truly one of the most rewarding experiences in my life.

Anyway, I will keep you posted of any progress and band news as it happens. Also, thank you so much for all of your kind words of encouragement throughout my pregnancy, and then the warm wishes of welcome so very many of you extended to me and my family upon the birth of Kitty. Thank you so very very much.

Photos of Kitty

2009-09-22T15:57:00.006+10:00

The proud and happy parents

Me and Kitty

This is our Kitty with her namesake, my Aunty Kitty. A beautiful, gentle woman.

WooHoo!!! Here, safe and well.

2009-09-21T14:02:00.001+10:00

Saying hello to daddy. Day 2.

Kitty Claire is here! She was born at 07.17am on the 17th of September. Weighing 8lb 9, or 3890gms. She is of course, absolutely gorgeous!!! I will post a longer blog later in the week, we only arrived home in the last hour or so.

Mum and Bub, both great!!!

Stretch and Sweep…of the cervix!

2009-09-15T05:52:00.002+10:00

Whatever your mind conjures up reading the title, you’re probably correct. OMG!!! It’s not natural…lol.

I had my OB appointment yesterday and due to several symptoms and test results, I need to have the baby this week. So, in the spirit of starting things naturally, and tricking my cervix into going into top gear, he did what is called a stretch and sweep of my cervix. It is exactly what it sounds like. He stretches open the cervix opening, while sweeping around and within the cervix, to start to clear the membranes. Let me tell you, it hurt a bit. But only while he was in “action”, once I got off the table, all was well.

When I arrived home however, it felt like I had a concrete besser block sitting right on top of my cervix. I could not stand up for longer than 5 minutes before I had to sit down to relieve it. No labour pains though, apart from the ever present Braxton Hicks contractions, which have been gradually increasing in strength for the past couple of months. As I write this, at nearly 6 o’clock the following morning, I am able to stand for a normal period of time and am feeling no pains or hints of labour…Oh Well.

If nothing progresses naturally by this Wednesday, I am scheduled for a C Section at 7.30am this Thursday. This is because of the following:

Protein in my urine.

Blood pressure higher for the first time this pregnancy.

An extremely high rate of restriction on my band at present which means I am on liquids only…not good for me or the baby.

So, on to band news, and obviously, not going well at the moment. I actually struggled with milk on Saturday morning. That was scary. I swallowed water too quickly that afternoon and it came straight back up into the sink. Lucky I was drinking it there. That has NEVER happened before. And it was a little bit shocking. But obviously, hormone levels change quite radically towards the end of the birth, scientists are still trying to work out why our bodies go into spontaneous labour, but obviously, it has something to do with hormones, and those hormones are what is affecting my restriction. I can only imagine, that my stomach must be swollen up around the lap band, but who knows really?

I am on soups, thin yoghurts, milk and water at the moment, so if I didn’t go into labour in the next couple of days, I probably wouldn’t be strong enough to pull it off anyway.

Now, with all that said I feel fine. I am excited about the imminent arrival and I am happy with how my body has coped. My hair, nails and skin are wonderful and I don’t have any aching muscles or extraordinary fatigue. So the pluses definitely outweigh the minuses.

I will update soon.

Ready when you are [baby]

2009-09-07T10:56:00.000+10:00

I am back to fit and strong and ready to push this baby out!!! And boy oh boy, I am champing at the bit for the opportunity to do just that.

For any of you that have been pregnant, you will surely remember what the last few weeks are like? You just reach a point where you start to feel like you are totally over it. You feel large and cumbersome, all you want to do is lay down and rest or sleep, but you can not find a comfortable sleeping position, even with 18 pillows. Oh alright, after shifting and turning and prodding pillows you may find the perfect position momentarily, but guess what happens then? That’s right ladies, you need to pee. And it’s not the sort of “need to pee” feeling that you get when you aren’t preggers, no no no, this feeling is telling you that if you do not immediately roll off the bed and go sit on the toilet, you will wet the bloody bed. And all 18 pillows. But of course, you go to the loo, sit down, and a trickle of urine dribbles out. You sit there thinking, is that all?

You also feel like your stomach is going to explode apart if you tap it, it is that tightly stretched, you lose your sense of balance, can’t eat much, feel like you need to pee 24/7, and most of all…you are very EXCITED at the prospect of bringing an entire human being into the world and you just want to see them NOW!!!

OMG…every single little twinge is “a sign”, every old wives tale about bringing on labour starts to sound like words of wisdom, so you try them all. I have been for more bumpy rides, had more sex, and drank more raspberry leaf tea than I have ever done in my life. Mind games more confusing than sudoku are taking place constantly inside your head while you try to control the excitement, but can’t help but feel TODAY is the DAY!

I have only had one day so far that I thought I was going into real labour, and that was last Wednesday, I woke up with backache, and my cervix felt like it had the weight of the world on it. I was soooo excited, I couldn’t go back to sleep, so I got up, had a cup of hot Milo, read the paper and promptly forgot about it! Nothing happened. Oh well, signs are promising for this week. I have a Dr’s appointment this afternoon, and he is going to do another internal, hopefully, to stir things up [and not just metaphorically speaking], last week’s internal told him that my cervix was very soft, but not dilated and that the baby was 3/5ths engaged. I will give you an update this afternoon of any progress if there is any.

Now, onto the band. Let me tell you, the band is a bit of a bitch while you are pregnant. Especially at the beginning, and then again at the end. I am feeling EXTREMLY tight. I have way too much restriction, but can’t do anything about it, as my band is empty. It is just obviously affected by pregnancy hormones and lack of room now that the baby is at full term.

I am really struggling to swallow anything with the consistency thicker than porridge. I am still being very conscious of daily vitamin intakes for the baby and my sake, and I am making very good choices regarding what I am swallowing, but in truth, what goes down is generally soups [I manage some soft vegetable soups], yoghurts [which I make sure contain fruit] and for some reason, I am able to eat crackers. So I have Country cheddars, or jatz or something like that, with a couple of slices of tasty cheese for snacks. Mind you, I can only ever fit in about 4 at that most. No more room for any more than that, and if I do try to squeeze more in, howdy doodie, the pain soon reminds me that I have a lap band! I am of course continuing with my prenatal vitamin and I have two to three glasses of milk per day.

Due to the increased level of restriction, I have actually lost 2 of the kilos that I did manage to put on. So I am now sitting at 87kgs.

All in all though, I am healthy, happy, and grateful for the bands presence, as I can only imagine what my weight gain would have been like if it was not present, and I would have started off at around 107kgs.

Hang on… I probably wouldn’t even be pregnant now if it wasn’t for the band. Now, there is food for thought!!!

Cough Cough Cough...

2009-08-31T14:15:00.000+10:00

Well hello there, I should start off this post by letting you know that I did not avoid the dreaded flu. No sir, not me. My cough last weekend graduated into bone rattling stomach clenching, bladder tensing hacking coughs. Yuck! I still thought it was just a cold though as I did not have any flu symptoms. No fever, no body aches and pains or nausea etc etc. I was treating my symptoms with natural means and pregnancy safe pharmaceuticals, but by Wednesday, I swear I had torn some stomach muscles from the violent coughing spasms I was having. So…off to the doctors.

My doctor was really thorough; I was in her room for over an hour. She did many checks on the baby and me, but I could see that she was a bit worried about my “cold”. She finally got around to saying that she thought it might be swine flu and that we should bring in the heavy artillery. She also prescribed a strong anti-biotic in case I had a chest infection. When she was discussing the TamiFlu medication with me, I have to say, I felt quite dubious about taking it. We had a LONG discussion about the effect of the drug on pregnant women. She continued to reassure me, with logic and patience, until I was comfortable with the diagnosis.

So…I started the medication Thursday night, OMG…TamiFlu makes you sick! Has anyone told you that? If not, be warned, it does. I had so many new symptoms, nausea, headache, fatigue and dizziness to go along with my existing ones, that I fell into a heap in my recliner chair, along with 6 pillows and only got out of that chair for toilet breaks and food for the next 4 days. Seriously. I could not lay down on my bed as every time I laid down prostrate, I coughed up a lung and my stomach muscles still felt like they were torn.

Today I feel like a human being again. Hurrah!!! The baby has been moving plenty, so I have not been worried about as much as I thought I would, but it will still be reassuring to have my OB visit this afternoon so I can discuss everything with him.

Anyway, all is well, I am over the worst, the baby appears to be travelling along fine, and I am 37 weeks pregnant this week and that is classed as full term! WooHoo!!! I will update with any news from the OB if it is exciting.

Lazy sunfilled days.

2009-08-23T22:25:00.003+10:00

Well, I have had a lovely weekend, didn’t do much, but it was great just the same. Watched my football team win in an awesome way on Friday night. Go the Broncos!!!! Washed all the linen on all the beds in the house yesterday, which filled the house with the smell of sunshine when all the beds were remade. Don’t you love that smell?

Watched suddenly 30 [movie] on the tube last night then had a great night’s sleep. I only got up to pee twice, woohoo!!

Today I had a visit from a very close friend of mine who is considering getting a lap band. She is currently doing some research on it, so I hope she finds what she is looking for.

This afternoon we spent a couple of hours outside in the sunshine, playing with the dogs and just enjoying the gorgeous weather we are experiencing right now. Glorious.

I have had my youngest daughter on home quarantine since Tuesday night, with suspected swine flu, it has been a bit of a worry, firstly of course because you hate to see any of your children ill, but also, because of the high risk category I am currently in. [and my unborn baby of course] Anyway, she is out of the woods now, and finished her prescription of Tamiflu tonight. She is going to school tomorrow as all of her symptoms are now gone. Thank God.

Just tonight though, I have developed a sore throat and am coughing on a very regular basis, trying to clear something out of my throat. I don’t feel as though it is anything serious, I don’t have a fever, or runny nose, headache or body aches and pains. If I wake up tomorrow with any more symptoms than I have right now, I will of course phone my OB straight away. I am definitely no Mater when it comes to something as potentially serious as swine flu in a late stage pregnancy.

Now that I am having a go at a natural delivery, I have been refreshing my memory in regards to labour stages/experiences. I have been reading a lot of birthing stories on line and boy oh boy, it all came back to me like a steam train. But you know what? It hasn’t deterred me from my initial enthusiasm at the prospect of delivering the baby naturally. I will give it my best shot, and at the end of the day, if I have to go in for a caesarean, then so be it.

Something that I read on one of the birthing websites stayed with me and I would like to share it with you, as I felt it was quite empowering. Here it is.

Pain is a two part process: the first part is the physical experience of the pain and the second is your emotional reaction to your experience—and that is the part you have the most control over.

Wonderful news.

2009-08-17T16:36:00.001+10:00

I am sooo excited right now. I had my OB appointment today, and he is so happy with my pregnancy progress, i.e. no problems, no issues etc, that he is happy to support a natural birth. YIPPEE!!!! I can feel my body just ripening up for the birth, it is like no other feeling, you just know. The head is way down and pushing on my cervix and that must of sent messages to my brain telling it to prepare for touchdown.

I have been having really strong Braxton hick’s contractions on and off since last Thursday, and my lower back feels like I just emptied a load of cement, myself! Shovel by shovel fulls…lol.

These are all really good signs, and the Doctor concurs. So, now we wait!!! I am fine with that by the way, I am just so happy that we are going to give nature a go first. Once [if] I reach my due date, then we will reassess the situation. I do not want to be induced, as I have already had an emergency caesarean, and the highest percentage of problems occurs when labour does not commence naturally and the woman is induced. So, if I have not had the baby naturally by my due date, then we will book a date for the Caesar, shortly after. I have no idea what my due date is right now either, as all we have talked about from the beginning has been a caesarean delivery.

Well, anyway, just a short post to keep you all updated. I am sooo happy….

Sharing some photos with you.

2009-08-14T23:00:00.006+10:00

First up, a profile of my Bubby Belly.

Then a front on shot of me.

My Hubby holding our gorgeous little granddaughter, Elsie.

And finally, my eldest daughter, me, and my granddaughter.

Nocturnal Musings...

2009-08-13T15:47:00.003+10:00

{This was written at 4am this morning, but Blogger would not let me post it until now}

Well, I am at that stage of pregnancy where all regular sleep patterns go out the window! I am waking up probably two to three times a night for bathroom visits and if I am really lucky, and keep my eyes closed while I walk to the bathroom, try to squeeze out five drops of urine so my bladder stops screaming at me, stumble back to bed, arrange the 45 pillows around my whale shaped body, I can MOST of the time, go back to sleep. One out of three nights, alas, I can’t. Tonight is one of those. I am not complaining, just commenting…lol.

To tell you the truth, I am just so excited about the impending birth [only 4 weeks to go!], that I probably am not helping the sleep situation by engaging myself with very enthusiastic daydreaming. [or night dreaming as the case may be]. You know, the usual stuff…what am I having? What will they look like? How will our family dynamic change now? What will they be when they grow up?

I washed all the baby clothes yesterday; they looked so cute hanging on the line, blowing in the breeze. Apart from packing my hospital bag, that was my last chore to prepare for our new family member. I am ready to roll.

Eating wise, everything appears to be going well, at this stage, I am thirstier than anything, and for the first time since my surgery, I have broken the golden rule of not drinking for an hour after eating. I just can’t wait that long for water right now. I am drinking so much water, but if I don’t have 1 or 2 glasses of water an hour, I develop a headache and feel really dehydrated. I have my last glass of water around 7pm, in preparedness for bedtime at 9.30pm, and it is really hard to get through that last couple of hours water free. But I pay the price if I give in. By even more nocturnal visits to the bathroom I mean…lol.

So, my diet is still really healthy and I am eating well. Like I mentioned in my last post, I am now putting on around 500gms a week, but it is very obviously going to the baby bump. I will take some photos later today and put them up for you to have a look at my growing front!

Over 40, Banded and Pregnant!!!

2009-08-06T09:06:00.012+10:00

And I feel fantastic! Seriously, I feel so strong and healthy and I am sure it is due to being banded before I was pregnant. On the date of conception [even though I didn’t know what we were cooking up at the time…] I was 96kg, and today, at 33 weeks pregnant, I am 87kg. From the date of conception up until around five weeks ago, I continued to steadily lose weight. From then, at 84kg, I slowly started to put some on at the rate of about 500gms a week. I am so happy with that!

I guess I wouldn’t have been so happy if my Obstetrician had not been monitoring my baby’s growth progress so closely. Know what I mean? I would have had even more doubts than I actually did, that the baby was getting enough nutrients from my meagre dietary intake had he not paid such close attention to the baby’s growth. I have had regular scans and blood tests throughout this pregnancy and boy does it have a reassuring affect.

As I am having a caesarean delivery [not happy, but going with the OB’s suggestion], on September 14th, I only have approx 5 weeks to go. Can you believe it? OMG…. New baby here in five weeks. I am soooo EXCITED!!!!!

I finished up at work last Friday. Thank God! And I have been really enjoying my down time since. I have spent two full days in the garden, one day scrapbooking [evidence in photos at the end of this post] and two days at my youngest daughter's athletics carnival. Today, for the first time, I have a free day and I am looking forward to doing some scrapbooking later on, but my eldest daughter, and my precious new granddaughter are visiting shortly, so I will enjoy their visit before starting on my crafty designs.

Ok, for those interested, following are some photos of my latest scrapbooking. If you are not interested, log off now...lol. Note the weight change in me from these photos in 2005, you can really notice, especially in the airport shot, where I am breaking all photographic rules for large ladies and I am *gasp* standing sideways!!!

I am so far behind with my scrapbooking, I have so many topics I could cover, but I have decided to chronicle our 2005 trip to the USA. The last page I have included here is not quite finished, but close enough to include.

As I am planning to start scrapbooking more often from now on, and I quite like the idea of sharing my finished projects, do you think I should make a new blog page for the scrapbooking photos, or just include them here?

You can click on any of them for a close up look.

Just a couple of nursery photos.

2009-08-04T08:28:00.002+10:00

This is what you can fit into a room 1.5 x 2 metres...

2009-08-03T10:48:00.019+10:00

Believe it or not! My family are calling my new scrapbooking room "Mary Poppins". As you by now are aware, I am expecting a baby soon, and I needed to turn my existing scrapbooking room into a new nursery. What fun we had moving all my equipment and supplies from a 4metre x 3.5metre room into a 1.5 x 2 metre room. As you can see by the following photos, you really can squeeze a lot of gear into a small space if you use it cleverly.

Still to go up are my ribbon racks and a custom made punch rack. [which will look like my custom made stamp rack but smaller]. Photos of these below. I must say, my husband has seriously contributed to this venture. Thanks love xox.

Ok, first shot of the new scrapbooking room is of my desk so that you can see the width of the rooom;

Next is a shot of the custom made stamp shelf and a close up of the stamps;

Next we have a photo of the opposite wall to the stamps which has an enormous bookcase against it.

Next up is a shot of my inks and tools which sit on the left side of my desk. [The punch rack will be installed on this wall]

Next up are my paints and adhesives which sit on the right side of my desk. Under the desk on the right are drawers with adhesives, stickers, rubons and photos that I am planning on scrapping soon. Under the desk on the left is the PC hard drive, the printer and my rubbish bin.

This is a close up of a framed page that an Australian Scrapbooking Artist [Ngaire Bartlem] did for me as a gift. I used to host Ngaire at our shop monthly for huge workshops. You had to book months in advance to get into her classes they were so popular. An amazing woman. You should check out her website at http://www.scrapblogmebaby.typepad.com/

Close ups of my flowers, buttons and embellishments. These are on shelves of the bookcase.Oh, how I love embellishments!!!

Close up of my magazines and sizzix on the bookcase as well.

And finally, the only thing that won't fit....my paper racks! So they sit inside built in wardrobes in the nursery.

Hope you enjoyed a stroll through my new scrapbooking haven. Tonight I will post some photos of the nursery.

Busy busy Bee...

2009-07-15T15:14:00.001+10:00

Well hello my neglected blog followers, haven’t I been naughty? Absent for two weeks!!! I need sacking.

I have a lot to show for those two weeks, including a four-day trip to Caloundra for my teenage daughter’s touch tournament. She made the team to play in the State cup, so off we went last Thursday, and arrived home on Sunday night. Late. But boy, did we have some fun. It was so nice to sit in the sun and watch her play touch, and not have to worry about work. Lovely. And her team did really well too…nice bonus. They finished 6th out of a pool of 21, so it was an excellent result!

We emptied out the existing scrapbooking room, to make way for our new addition. OH MY GOD!!! Anyone would think that I used to own a scrapbook store….lol. Of course for those who don’t know, I did! I was a little embarrassed by the sheer volume of stock that came out of that room. Anyway, we converted the small office into my new scrapbooking room. Photos will be up as soon as my batteries are recharged. I painted [when I say, I, mean, I chose the colour, and my husband painted] the office that same colours as my old store, a gorgeous pink with purple and white features. It looks warm and welcoming. I am looking forward to getting back into scrapbooking again. I don’t know how many of you would be interested in seeing, but I will share my pages as I create them from now on. Well, when I start again, anyway.

Next, was to decorate the nursery, now that it had been emptied of all my scrapbooking gear. I am so happy with the finished result, it came up a treat! We have decorated it in a jungle babies theme, with yummy colours and gorgeous accessories. I can’t wait to show you what it looks like. Bloody camera batteries! Only 8 weeks to go, can you believe that? I am struggling with the concept, believe me, but I am sooo very excited too of course.

All is well with the pregnancy, except I failed my glucose test last week, so I had to go back today and do the loooong test. Yuck! I hope the results are good because I do not relish the idea of bed rest for 8 weeks. Oh no, not at all. I was reading some information about the results though; it appears that it could have been a false positive, due to my diet. If you have a low carbohydrate diet, it affects the test results significantly. I feel too fantastic for anything to be wrong. I will ask the doctor what he thinks if the test comes back positive for high glucose again.

I finish work in 2 weeks now, and I can’t bloody wait. I had no idea how much I WASN’T enjoying it, until I actually let myself believe that I wasn’t going back. EVER!!! Oh well, I try to never have any regrets, and look for the positives in each experience, and I think what I am taking away from this experience, is a taste of academia that has really taught me that I don’t actually think less of myself for not studying when I was younger now. I think I carried around that feeling for too long. Now, I see that studying isn’t for everyone. You certainly do not need a degree to validate your work or your worth.

Anyway, until we catch up again, look after yourself and enjoy each day to the max!

The Smasher revealed [For Lonicera]

2009-07-02T23:07:00.002+10:00

Sunbeam Café' Series Contact Grill & Sandwich Press

Description:
Toast you own gourmet focaccia or grill a rib eye steak and vegetables on this versatile grill and press.

Features:Grills meats and vegetables, toasts focaccia/turkish breadCafe style floating hinge systemSloped grilling plates for healthy cooking.

Die cast metal armsDuPont Teflon® Platinum Pro™Non-stick surface - metal utensil safe.

Variable heat settings.

6+ sandwich capacity.

Locking dial and detachable drip tray

What does a pregnant Lapbander eat?

2009-07-02T18:28:00.002+10:00

I thought it might be interesting to describe what my typical food intake has been like since I’ve been preggo. Of course, what I am about to describe is NOT what I ate through the Great Dental Debacle….lol.

Along with the following food, I have about 8 glasses of water spread throughout the day.

First thing in the morning I have my pregnancy vitamin [Elevit] and a HUGE cup of Milo made on milk with two teaspoons of sugar. [this baby has given me a sweet tooth!, I never usually like sugar]

Then, about an hour after that, I have a slice of toast cut in half with vegemite on one bit, and peanut paste on the other. That is Monday to Friday. Saturday and Sunday, I have an omelette or scrambled eggs, or a pork sausage with poached eggs. [2 eggs], or baked beans on crunchy toast. I can only eat bread if it is very grainy [ I eat 9 grains bread because it does not have preservative 262 in it] and toasted to within an inch of it’s life. My favourite way to do toast is in THE SMASHER. That is a bench top sandwich press that turns the bread into nearly wafer thin crunchy delights.

If I am at work, I will have morning tea. Usually fruit yoghurt. If I am at home, I forget to have a morning tea.

Ok, moving on to lunch. If it is Monday to Friday, and I am at work, I have a tub of soup, usually minestrone, or some vegetable one that is loaded up with vegies and grains. I have a mini pack of premium biscuits with this. You know the ones that come in the box prepacked into serving sizes? One of those. If it is Monday to Friday and I eat out, which happens a lot due to business meetings, I order either a Caesar or Greek salad. Or pasta. I am loving pasta at the moment. Fettuccini, Alfredo, Carbonara, ravioli, basically any pasta dish with LOTS of sauce and sprinkled with parmesan will do the trick. I only ever manage to eat about 3/4 quaters, to a cup of the salad. It looks like I hardly touch it due to the size of the salads that are served!

Afternoon tea at work or home, I will have a block of cheese, about 2cm thick, about 6 pieces of crystallised ginger and 6 jatz. YUMMY!!!! Or, just cheese and jatz.

Dinner, I have about ¾ to 1 cup of one of the following main meals.

Lasagne
Shepherds Pie
Spaghetti Bolognaise
Diced up Chicken Tenderloins served with any of the chicken tonight sauces and mixed vegies
Pasta of any description with lots of sauce
Homemade pizza topped with ham, cheese, sun dried tomatoes, olives, pizza sauce, onion/shallots and lots of cheese. I put the base in the over first for about 20 minutes and make it really CRUNCHY!
Quiche [variety of fills, whatever I feel like throwing in]
Toasted sandwich done in THE SMASHER

I am really happy with my quantities and how full I feel after eating. I NEVER drink while I am eating. I drink either straight before, or an hour after. I feel full for between 3 and 5 hours after eating. The most important thing to remember though, is that you need to re-learn how to CHEW. Well, I did, anyway. That was my biggest problem in the beginning. I thought I was chewing well, but I wasn’t! I do now, but it still is not instinctive. And that is where I want to be. I do not want to be in the situation where I am having lunch with someone and swallow before I should, so I can speak. [I still do this with regularity] I also do not want to be reading, or watching TV while I am eating and swallow before I should because I am distracted. [I still do this occasionally]

Learning how to eat again has taught me that I need to make each meal a time where all I am thinking about is the texture of the food I am chewing, and not to swallow before it is ready. Then, to listen to my body when it is starting to feel full. It does not matter how good the food tastes, if you have too much, even one more mouthful sometimes, then you pay the consequences for the next half hour or so. Pain, I mean. That Christmas day overstuffed, feel like you need to vomit sensation. Not pleasant. I hardly do that anymore, thank heavens.

I am sure that once the baby is born, my eating patterns will change again, and I will definitely need some fill. [I have none in now]

Anyway, hope that isn’t too boring for you to read, but I keep thinking about all the questions I had when I was considering lap band surgery and one of the biggies for me, was; WHAT WILL I BE ABLE TO EAT? So this should answer that question for any newbies considering the surgery.

OK…time for some good news.

2009-06-19T19:45:00.005+10:00

The pain has nearly gone. I only have to take Panadol to go to sleep at night now.

Oh My God! The colours in the world look brighter. The smells are sharper. The sounds are suddenly more melodic. All is well with my world. Do you know how wonderful it is, to come out the other end of such a bloody painful journey? It is like going overseas for the first time, to a 3rd world country for example…. then coming home to bountiful Australia…. you don’t really appreciate the beauty in every day living until you try to do it in agony. Anyway, you get the point. I feel fantastic.

I must say, thank you so much for all your lovely comments of support and encouragement. I read them over and over again. Thank you.

The baby is well, I am well and I am sleeping through the night again. What a relief.

Now, let me share something really good with you.

I bent over at work on Monday, in my lovely black work trousers…and when I stood up, my foot caught the hem of my long pants and yep, you guessed it, down they came. Funny? Well it would have been had I been in the office on my own. All I can say is, that I am glad I listened to my mother all those years ago, and I never leave home without a clean pair of undies on!

Off to Target to buy some new work trousers I go. The ones that came down were size 16, so I found some 14’s and went into the change rooms. Well, blow me down with a feather; they were saggy bummed as well. Remembering that I am 26 weeks pregnant, the button did not do up, but I have pregnancy pants extenders to do that anyway, so that is no concern. Anyway, the point is, they were too big in all other areas, legs, bottom and hips. So, out I go again and get some 12’s. Perfect!!!

I cannot believe it. I have not bought size 12 ANYTHING for well over a decade. I was on a natural high then, and tried on heaps of new clothes. Well, in my defence, they were having a 40% off women’s clothing sale. I bought shirts, jumpers, cardigans and three pairs of trousers, all in size 12. Then bought a six-pack of size 16 undies, because that is the only area I seem to be growing in. And I don’t want to be caught with my pants down and have ill-fitting Reg Grundy’s on now, do I?

Oh…and by the way, I resigned this week. I finally made the decision and gave 7 weeks notice at the beginning of the week, so now; I only have 6 to go. Woohoo!

World of Pain!!!

2009-06-14T19:44:00.001+10:00

I have been in a world of pain, but, finally! I am coming through the other side.

Oh. My. God. Untreated pain is indescribable. I so don’t want to talk about it. But, I will update you, then move on.

As I posted last Sunday, the pain was being managed gradually, then on Tuesday afternoon, I answered the phone at work, with some food in my mouth and tried to get rid of it quickly by chewing it. [I hadn’t chewed food for days, more like sucked it into submission]

Well, you guessed it, I bit down right on the tooth that lives on top of the abscess. I tell you truthfully right now, I have no idea who was on the phone, and I cannot describe this pain to you. [I have not been to work since and do not even remember hanging up] My lips and chin went immediately numb. I thought this might have been nature’s endorphin kicking in, you know, giving me some natural medication. But no, my dentist set me straight on that little dream. I have damaged some nerves. Maybe permanently. My lips and chin are still numb.

Anyway, back to the dentist, I could not speak. I am not even exaggerating a little bit here. I could not speak. I was crying. No…, sobbing. Nearly hysterical. Now ladies, remember, I have birthed three children, drug fee! I have lived through other mind numbing painful experiences, but this was the KING!

The dentist could see [well he wasn’t blind] that I was in extraordinary amounts of pain, so he said the risk to the baby from an x-ray was less than the trauma to the baby of me living through this pain without knowing what was causing it, so x-ray it he did. It showed an abscess the size of three teeth in my bottom gum area. He had thought he had lanced it the week before, and had left the filling out of the tooth for it to drain into. No such luck. He had to go through the gum to get to it now. So he did. Three locals later, and I could still feel it. He had to keep taking instruments out of my mouth so I could sob. I have never felt so powerless in my life. Ever!

So, he finally gets to where he thinks it should be living, and nothing comes out. WHAT??? The pus has granulated. That means it is a solid mass. That means he is as powerless as me to fix this fucker. So, he put some antibiotic treatment into the cavity of the tooth, filled it back up with a temporary filling. He couldn’t do anything else. I drove home in a blur. I put myself to bed, but the pain was so intense, I could not sleep, when hubby came home from work and saw me, his face paled and I saw the early stages of panic in his face. He had never seen me like this before. He called the hospital and talked with them about painkillers. I could take panadeine they said. So off to the chemist he went, my knight in shining armour. I took two, and it took the edge of it enough for me to lie down and not feel like I was going insane.

I did not sleep. I counted. I know now, that sounds crazy, but it was what I did to try to distract my mind from the pain my body felt. I counted paddocks of animals. Thousands of them. Then tried to remember all the different animals I counted and look over the paddocks of counted animals. Crazy…..I know, but it got me through some dark hours.

The pain did not diminish. So, now it was Wednesday and I am sure I felt the start of a few contractions. Why the hell not. If I was the baby, there was no way I would want to stay in this pain-forsaken place! So, I rang my OB. Not in. On public service all day. This is an emergency I say. [Well, of course, I think it is an emergency, the receptionist probably deals with crazy people like me every day]. Ring my GP she says. When I explain the situation she says, oh, ok, don’t ring your GP, ring your dentist! Are you kidding? He did this to me….I know, I know, overdramatic. I know he didn’t do this to me. But he has already said he can’t do anything else for me.

Off to my GP I go. She is lovely. Tracey, I can’t help you, you need to see your OB, or at the very least, your dentist. I start crying. I am in so much pain, I need help. She phones the dentist, he explains the situation, and there is nothing anyone can do for at least two days. Just offer pain relief. He has already opened up my gum twice, taken the root out of the tooth. Treated the cavity with antibiotics hoping to get to the abscess. My GP tells me to go the OB as soon as he is available. The next day I go to visit him. I go through the entire story again, he prescribes panadein forte.

That = sleep! Woohoo!!! For the first time since the Thursday before [7 days ago], I sleep for longer than 3 hours. But, the downside is, I am only lasting 2.5 – 3 hours between meds. This is not cool. I phone the hospital and see what they have to say about the situation. I tell them that I am not/can not function without the pain meds, but the box says only to have 8 within a 24-hour period and if I manage to make it to every 4 hours [I haven’t been], then that makes 12 per 24 hours. I ask what effect this will/could have on the baby. Liver damage from the paracetamol they say. FUCK!!! Ok…so I start playing mind games with myself getting to stretch the time between tables. I feel like the worlds biggest junkie.

By Friday, I am able to stretch the meds to 6 hours with no problem. By today, I have even managed a couple of 8-hour stretches. But the pain is still there. And it scares me. Like I have never been scared before. If it was just about me, I would not be worried at all. I would be swallowing those meds like there was no tomorrow, but this is MY BABY we are talking about. Anyway, sorry about the pain filled post, but it was either that, or nothing!

Hopefully my upcoming week will be pain free and interesting.

Bloody Toothache!!!

2009-06-07T09:15:00.004+10:00

Well, as you can see from the title of my post, I am in a degree of pain right now, stemming from toothache. The cruellest pain of all. I am in the middle of root canal treatment….I KNOW! What in the world is wrong with me, why would I be getting root canal treatment while I am pregnant? Well, I didn’t really have a choice, I had an abscess under the infected tooth, which was making me sick. Really sick. Headaches, nausea, not to mention excruciating tooth ache.

So anyway, I had the first appointment, where the lovely dentist [he is very nice bloke, and I think he is feeling my pain right now] gave me a local [one of the few things he could give me] and drilled right down to take out the nerve. Which was the source of the infection of course. So, he does that, then puts in a temporary filling until my next appointment. I go home happy, as I am in the least amount of pain I have been in for weeks.

Then…..over the next few days, the pain returns, the aching becomes a constant, and my jaw bone under the tooth feels like it is on fire!

Back to the dentist. Poor bloke. He looked so perplexed. Tracey, I am sorry, I can’t give you any antibiotics that will help with this specific problem due your pregnancy. I can’t give you, or recommend you take any pain killers stronger than paracetamol either. Seriously, I am sure I saw the start of tears in his eyes. [Might have been my grip on his testes….]

What he can do, he does. Which is drill into and remove the temporay filling, and then using his special root canal needles, twist into the pulp below the tooth trying to get out as much gunk as possible. Now, let me tell you, I am not a sook! No, I am not. But this hurt like nothing I have ever felt before. And I had a local. Two in fact. He injected the gum around my tooth twice and the pain would just not retire from the fight. He left the tooth unfilled, trying to drain what was in there, and said basically, that he can’t do anything for me. I am going back next Thursday.

Counting. The. Days.

Dilemas;

Lapbanders need to chew to swallow. I can’t chew. So I am on liquids.

I am pregnant and am trying to get as much nourishment as possible into my system, so I am trying to be very discriminating about the type of liquids I am consuming. This is harder than you think!

I am in a LOT of pain, constantly, so I am on paracetamol around the clock. This is really worrying me, I do not want to have any negative impact on my baby. And the upshot of it is, the paracetamol really only takes the edge of the pain anyway, it is such a deep throbbing ache, I am sure it is driving me a little insane.

And finally, I am pretty sure I have a serious infection, and I am worrying that that will affect the baby.

It is a public holiday tomorrow, but on Tuesday I have an appointment with my OB, I am going to check with him to see if there are any SAFE antibiotics that can deal with dental issues that will not negatively impact on my baby. I will also check to see if the infection itself is harmful to the baby.

Oh…..and boy, do I miss chewing! But the fear of pain is certainly keeping me from giving it a go.

Guess what? You can tell I'm pregnant now...

2009-05-30T13:38:00.004+10:00

I went shopping this morning. I decided that it was about time to buy some baby stuff. Came home with some gorgeous new throw rugs for the front room, and a sore throat from talking too much!!! Not a baby thing in sight! Nola, I am going to need a hell of a lot of knitting from you....lol.

I must of ran into half the people in town that I know and haven't seen for ages. It was great because I am finally at the stage where people are actually game enough to ask THE question. You know the one....the "are you pregnant" risky one.

Funny isn't it, how much we think about this question before actually coming out with it? Well, you don't want to offend someone who has a really bad case of irritable bowel syndrome and suffers from a distended stomach, do you?

Anyway, that many people just came out asked me today that I thought, hang on, maybe you can really tell now. I came home and told hubby, and he said go and have a look in the mirror sideways you ratbag! lol...so I did, and the consequence of that exercise, is that you get to look at how OBVIOUSLY pregnant I am now too. Yippee!!!

On work, me and being pregnant with a lapband.

2009-05-27T19:26:00.001+10:00

ON WORK

Work is still crazy, I am arriving home after dark, which makes me feel like I am there a loooong time, but actually, the onset of winter is just making the days shorter. I am enjoying my new job now….I know!!! I felt the tide turning around three to four weeks ago, but was hesitant to mention it on my blog, because I had vented so much about it in a negative way since I started that I knew I would sound close to psychotic if I mentioned that I am enjoying it now.
But I am.
Lots of reasons for this, I am starting to immerse myself in gaining an understanding of our products and processes, which is fleshing out my overall perception of the workplace. Up until around three weeks ago, I was concentrating on understanding the people that I have been aligned to manage. Unfortunately, I could not manage them well until I really understood the issues they were faced with on a day-to-day basis. Anyway, I feel a groundswell of support for me from the staff now, so that makes a huge difference in job satisfaction department.

I am also enjoying it more now because I am starting to achieve some desired outcomes. Nothing like some runs on the board! Know what I mean?

ON ME

Off to the dentist today, I need a root canal treatment. No surprise there, so much pain had to indicate an issue of some proportion considering I only digest semi solids and liquids. Not much input required from my teeth to masticate the food I am “drinking” lately….lol. So, we started the root canal process today, and will finalise it over the next few weeks. He won’t be able to x-ray the tooth of course [due to my pregnancy], until I have delivered my baby, but that is only 15 WEEKS AWAY. WTF???

ON BEING PREGNANT WITH A LAPBAND

I have been asked to talk a bit more about my experience as a lap-bander that is pregnant, so, here goes. I have had three other children, each one in a very different stage of my life, in fact, one each decade of my fertile life. I had one when I was a teenager, one in my twenties, and one in my thirties. So, I have some historical data to draw on….lol. Physically, I feel the best I have out of all four pregnancies. I kid you not. I can’t believe it either, but obviously it has to do with the fact that I have lost over 22kgs and I am in probably the best weight range I have for all my pregnancies.

The impact of the band on my pregnancy is exhibited in the following areas:

The lack of extreme appetite that I experienced for all other pregnancies, leading to no weight gain.
My inability to eat a wide range of food means I need to really plan my dietary intake for the baby’s sake. For example, I make sure I meet the minimum requirements daily and under no circumstances, miss my pregnancy vitamin. [which is elevit by the way]
I can see my port pushing out now and that is only to get more obvious. This does not bother me at all, but it is an obvious side effect.
Pregnancy hormones have meant my stomach has been very swollen around my band and I have had EXTREME restriction since the very beginning. Well before I knew I was pregnant, I was having restriction issues. I have had no fill in my band since the beginning of my pregnancy.

Anyway, that is a midweek update for you all, thanks for reading.

Just livin' life.

2009-05-18T18:16:00.003+10:00

Hello my fellow bloggers and lurkers.

I have been away again. But this time, for family reasons, so much more fun. We spent the last few days at a tennis tournament that our youngest [so far] daughter played in. It was lovely to go away for a couple of days and not have to worry about work, grocery shopping or housework for a change. Although, when you arrive back home late Sunday night and the school kid doesn’t have any clean socks, you know you are in strife! She went to school today with the cleanest, dirty socks she had, and money to buy lunch, because there was no food in the house. Oh well… such is life. We have to live it, don’t we, because it goes on around us even if we don’t participate. And I do love to join in…lol.

Eating news has not changed, I am still struggling to get food down, I am limited to chewing small bites until it is liquid, or actually preparing liquids, so my food choices depend on how long I have to eat. It only gets me down occasionally, as I know it is due to the pregnancy and I am so ecstatically happy about that situation that I am prepared to pay the price. Know what I mean? If I was experiencing this much restriction without any fill in my band and I was not pregnant, then I would have some serious concerns.

The scales are still moving downwards, but I decided not to update my ticker anymore, until after the birth. It feels like it is false economy…lol.

Health wise, I feel fantastic! No sickness, I am not tired as long as I get 8 – 9 hours sleep a night. No unusual aches or pains, so I am doing really well. And so is the baby of course!

My gorgeous granddaughter is growing in leaps and bounds and is a real pleasure to be around. I can’t believe she is nearly 2 months old already. It must be so though, because by the time she is 6 months old, she will have a new Aunt or Uncle. Crazy!!!

Back home.....thank God!

2009-05-10T21:17:00.002+10:00

Hello everyone, I am finally home again. Boy, all this travelling is wearing me out! Bloody hell, I sound about 90 when I say that, don’t I? I think one of the reasons I feel so flat is that I haven’t been able to eat consistently since about Wednesday of this week. Oh, and I am pregnant….

I have been away for work again, down to Brisbane this time. I really love Brisbane, but it is GREAT to come home again. I went to the test [Australia V New Zealand NRL] on Friday night, and had a ball! I loved it. I bought an Australian Jersey for Fred, but I think I might have to model it for you all…lol. I will snap a photo of me in it later this week.

As mentioned, my eating has not been that successful, I have not been able to get much down, except for the bare minimum on most days. And yes, I have lost more weight. Usually I would be jumping up and down about that of course [with glee], but I am reserving my pleasure at this occurrence until I deliver a lovely healthy baby weighing about 7lbs. Know what I mean?

I am sure all is well, because my oh my, this baby can MOVE! I am sure it is doing the Macarena most hours of the day. And Night. But it is soooo reassuring to feel it kick me silly. It is like, hey Mum, I feel great, take that!

I had my morphology scan last week and all is well, the baby’s development measurements put it at a little bit older than it really is, so it is obviously growing well. I have my regular appointment with my OB tomorrow, so I will of course discuss my eating [or lack of] with him and see what he has to say. I am eating, just not the amount that I think I should be. And at the end of the day, what can he do, or even suggest that I am not doing already? I have had NO FILL in at all since early days and I am chewing that much my teeth hurt, [seriously, they do] and I make sure I maintain a healthy balance of nutrients, even if they are nearly liquid.

Anyway, I am going to heat up some soup now and dig in. Yum Yum….lucky I enjoy my soup.

May Photos

2009-05-04T09:38:00.003+10:00

Ok…everything is fine, but I was admitted to Hospital on the weekend.

2009-04-27T10:12:00.001+10:00

I am fine.

But on Sunday morning I woke up with really bad cramps. I knew that it was not uterine cramping, but it was still hellish pain. It was pretty continual pain and I don’t know if the pain escalated, or my tolerance to it weakened, but by 1pm I had to go see the doctor for peace of mind. I really did not know what meds I could take to handle this sort of pain that would not hurt the baby. I also wanted to confirm that I didn’t have a bowel obstruction or some other awful thing.

It felt like really bad wind pain; I was convinced that if I could evacuate my bowel, I would be fine. By no way José! No joy in that department, and it certainly wasn’t for the lack of trying.

It was really difficult for me to explain to the nurses the pain without it sounding like I was in labour. At no stage did I believe I was in labour. But the staff were amazing, they called in the Sonographer to perform a scan to see if all was well with bub and because I am over 18 weeks, she offered to do my morphology scan while we were there! That was great and it took my mind off the pain for a while at least.

She pointed out all the fingers and toes individually, went over everything so well and so clearly. I actually said to her at one stage, you have been called in on a Sunday; don’t you want to go back home? She said she had been at home doing nothing and pleased about the distraction. Lucky me! I had such service. Seeing the baby for such a long period of time was so reassuring. All it’s bits are good and it measured 18.5cms. That is huge for 18 weeks. Anyway, the scan looked great and the baby looked great, but unfortunately, every time I had a pain, she could see my uterus tighten up as well. So…. the doctors didn’t like that of course and admitted me straight away.

It wasn’t long before I was settled in my own room with a drip in my arm and a couple of needles in my bottom. I had Maxolon to stop the nausea and Buscapan to stop the pain from my cramping bowels.

So, it turns out that it was bowel pain, but because it went on for so long and was escalating, it actually did start to make my uterus contract very slightly. Not for long though, because the staff were right onto it. As soon as the fluids starting working their way through my body, and the drugs relaxed me, I had a great sleep [considering they wake you up every two hours to do obs].
I was discharged this morning and I feel great. Well, to be honest, I feel a bit bruised and a bit lethargic, but compared to yesterday…. I feel like I could run a marathon

That was then, and this is now.

2009-04-19T14:47:00.002+10:00

Well, what a tight weekend I am having. Honestly, some days I feel like the biggest challenge I face at every meal is getting it down! Today, for the very first time, my pregnancy vitamin got stuck. It scared the crap out of me, I mean for god’s sake, if I can’t swallow a pill; that is serious! Then I put myself through hell thinking, how is this pill going to be “unstuck”? It certainly was not going to come up. It wasn’t going to go down in a hurry, and the amount of saliva I was producing could sail a ship, so I was continuing to spit up.

Good ole Fred, [my husband] came up with the solution. He suggested that I try very small sips of a hot cup of tea to help dissolve the tablet. Let me tell you, it took some time, but it worked. Thank you hubby. Good thinking.

Even with all these new hurdles in front of me, I am so truly grateful that I chose to go down the path of lap banding. One really big benefit is that it has taken the focus off all the shit I used to want to eat. These days I am happy if I get down my minimum.

I mean really, where has Tracey gone, you know the girl who used to be looking out for her next feed as soon as the last one was done. I don’t know if you felt the same, but I felt as though I had another person living inside me for at least 30 years and it feels as though it is just me now, rattling around in this body muttering “what the fark is going on, and where is my best friend?”

If there are any lost fans out there, you will understand it when I say food was “my constant”.

I used to:

Collect recipe books
Think about my next meal constantly
Plan my next snack with an excited feeling in my stomach
Love going grocery shopping
Fantasize about how full and neat and tempting my pantry and fridge were
Ensure I had ALL my favourite snack food in the house at close of business Friday, wasn’t that what the weekend was for?
Reward myself with food
Gorge myself at every single meal. Every time!
Feel penalised if I missed a meal
Save my favourite part of my meal till last
Kid myself into thinking I was eating because I was hungry… pfftt!
Feel guilty about the amount I ate, but not enough to stop myself
Hate my body
Despise my weak willed attitude to food
Eat alone a lot
Hide how much I ate

Now, I:

Feel relieved if I can eat a piece of toast for breakfast
Plan healthy tasty food as a priority. This is due to being able to eat such a small amount, I want it taste great and maintain my health. [Weird hey, but isn’t that what we should be raised to believe about food?] Food = Fuel
Feel pride [nearly the first time in my life I feel pride for something I have done for myself]
No longer HATE myself, although I still dislike looking in mirrors
Sometimes feel guilty about how little I am eating due to the baby I am growing
Go grocery shopping and purchase the bare minimum. I spend most of my food dollars now at the fruit shop and the butcher’s.
Think about how I can maximise my next meals goodness
Eat the healthiest part of my meal first, in case I can’t finish it
Forget to eat sometimes [sorry baby]
Go through all my recipe books looking for tasty healthy options
Use two shelfs in my pantry to display my nice collection of cookware and bowls
Reward myself with gratitude and longevity
Kid myself into eating when I am not hungry so that my baby is getting enough nutrients

Anyway, you get the point, I could go on for pages, but I don’t want to bore you to death. Suffice it to say that I think I have managed the bare requirements to keep my baby healthy and keep this machine I refer to as my “body”, going for this weekend at least.

I can’t help but wonder how my body will react once I have had the baby and I no longer have this much internal swelling. I guess I will have to organise a fill nearly the week after the birth.

What I CAN eat versus what I SHOULD eat.

2009-04-11T08:42:00.001+10:00

I am really concerned about the amount of food I CAN eat versus the amount of food I SHOULD be eating right now. What I mean is, I just can’t physically eat sometimes, and when I can, it is not much. I am still obese on weight scales though, but I don’t know if that means the baby can draw nutrients from my excess body weight. I wouldn’t think so. How would that be possible? It is just fat after all.

Every day at least I have;
I elevit [pregnancy vitamin]
I serve of dairy [either yoghurt or milk or cheese]
2 serves of protein
6 – 8 glasses of water
I slice of toast

And that is all I can guarantee that I get down every single day as a minimum.

Yesterday I had a really good day and ate:

Toast and vitamin for breakfast
Shephards pie for lunch that had four different veges as well as mince in it.
Half a blueberry muffin in the afternoon with a huge cup of hot chocolate made on milk
Chinese style mince [home cooked] served with three veges on a bed of shredded lettuce for dinner.
6 Jatz with dip watching the footy [Go the Broncos!!!]
Small serve of marshmallow Easter bunny for supper.
Water all day.

I was happy with what I ate yesterday, but some days I don’t get there as far as fruit and veges are concerned. I really struggle with both of them, unless they are finely chopped. I sometimes have peaches with custard or ice cream, or have some fruit in my yoghurt, but not often enough. I must make a better effort in this area.

I can’t wait to have my next scan, which isn’t due until May 5th. I am not showing at all, and I am four months pregnant. [But as mentioned, I am obese, so maybe that is contributing to my problem]. As soon as there is someone home to take some photos today I will post them on my stats page so you can have a look yourself and tell me if you can notice. ****UPDATE**** Photos now updated on my stats page, and here is one of my belly.

What do you think? Am I showing? I don't think so.

I am so worried that I am not eating enough that I am starting to obsess about it. While I was seeing specialists fortnightly, and having regular scans, it was very reassuring….know what I mean? The last scan I had was only two weeks ago and the baby was 4 inches then, which the doctor said was great, and there was a lot of movement etc, but now that I have lost more weight, and I am still not showing, and I am not eating much, I am of course, worried again.

I have two questions if you can help me;

Has anyone out there been pregnant while obese and if so, when did you start to show?
Has anyone out there been pregnant while banded and how much did you eat [could you eat?] and what was your baby’s birth weight?

Thanks for reading.
Tracey

Measurements update.

2009-04-11T08:22:00.003+10:00

In case you don't go over to my stats page, here are my updated measurements. All measurements are in centimetres.

u=upper stomach w=waist h=hips a=arms t=thigh n=neck b=bust c=calf
01/11/08
u 118 w 112 h 128 a 43 t 73 n 39 b 121 c 48

01/12/08
u 113 w 113 h 124 a 43 t 68 n 39 b 115 c 45

10/01/09
u 107 w 108 h 120 a 42 t 66 n 38 b 115 c 44

01/02/09
u 107 w 107 h 117 a 41 t 64 n 38 b 112 c 43

11/04/09
u 103.5 w 103 h 111.5 a 39.5 t 62 n 35 b 114 c 42

Happy Chocolate Festival!

2009-04-10T10:27:00.003+10:00

So looking forward to four days off! I will post tomorrow.....and try to put up some new piccies.

Eating 9 - 5.

2009-04-04T13:58:00.000+10:00

I have been away at a conference most of this week; I only arrived home last night. And boy oh boy, did I struggle with the food. For the first time since I was banded, I REALLY FELT DIFFERENT to every one else for reasons other than my size.

Not that they want you to go hungry at these events, no sir, the complete opposite is true in fact. They feed you every two hours and leave lollies on the table all day. The trouble started with breakfast each day.

There was a choice of croissants with ham, cheese and tomato, or Brie cheese and asparagus. Well, no thanks, I can’t eat croissants, Brie cheese or asparagus. But thanks anyway. Day one, I went in hungry, day two I ate before I arrived.

Lunch was a gorgeous selection of wraps, rolls and sandwiches. I cannot eat bread, lavish bread, pita bread or rolls of any description. Full stop. I have tried on so many occasions, chewing the crap out of the bread, but no way! It will simply not go down. The only way I can ever eat bread is if it is a really grainy make, and it is toasted to within inches of its life. Anyway, no lunch for me. So I leave the venue, race into town and try to find something that will go down. How hard is that? Farking nearly impossible. I cannot eat Bread, Pastry, Pasta, Crumbed food, red meat, chicken breast and certain salads due to their stringiness. Harder than you might think to find food that will go down. I ended up finding a supermarket after the first day’s conference and bought some tins of tuna and some crackers.

Morning and afternoon tea all week consisted of soft Danishes filled with custard and pieces of carrot and walnut cake. Don’t get me wrong, beautifully presented, smelling very fresh and I am sure they tasted divine. But no no no. Not for me. So, again, after the first day, I made sure I brought along a tub of yoghurt and a small packet of peanuts to tide me over.

Now, I don’t think I am a whinger and I certainly don’t feel as though I have complained much about the consequences of being banded, but this week, really brought it home to me. I had not felt penalised at all up until this week. If you don’t prepare your food beforehand, you could go mad. I mean seriously, you cant buy what I need to eat from fast food outlets or even most of the food kiosks in big cities. If I could have found a Sumo Salad bar, I would have peed my pants. I can eat a lot of salads, Caesar, Greek, garden, etc etc. Oh well.

After thinking about this last night and this morning, you know what conclusion I arrived at? Of course I can’t eat most of that food anymore, it was what contributed to my obesity. The bread, pastry pies or sausage rolls, the pasta, the deep fried culture, the grab lunch on the run type of lifestyle that I was leading. These easily digested carbohydrate laden foods taste so good, and go down so well and cost so little, it is too easy to over indulge. How could you possible be full after only eating for 3 minutes? Your brain cannot accept that, so you must keep on eating. You consume three days worth of calories in fifteen minutes. And exercise? Get stuffed! I never even used to get out of my car to buy lunch, if I couldn’t buy my lunch out of my car window, it didn’t happen.

But that is how long it used to take me to eat a pie, or a hot dog, or a toasted sandwich, about 5 minutes, then it was over that quick, I would nearly always eat something after. A piece of cake, a couple of biscuits, an ice cream… whatever. I felt I needed something to “finish off” the meal. Bullshit! I had just let myself be trained into thinking that this was the way to eat during the day. I always went home and had a wonderful healthy dinner that took about 30 - 40 minutes to prepare and 20 minutes to eat. Very rewarding and fulfilling. But my 9 – 5 eating was what brought me down. My daytime eating is so much better now, but it takes a little preparation. And in future, if I go away for any more conferences, I will be sure to pack my groceries.

Taming the hormones.

2009-03-30T20:30:00.004+10:00

Well hello there.

All is well with the world. I am way less hormonal!!!!

Thank god.

I can’t believe how close I came to resigning from my new job. I had NO IDEA what the real reason behind my feelings was. I felt so utterly overwhelmed and unsuitable for my position. It was awful.

These days I am feeling back in control. I feel competent, confident and in exactly the right place. With each day I feel more comfortable and focused. What a relief!!! I am fairly confident that I will work up until a couple of weeks before my due date, then have 3 months off and return to the role. I know….talk about a turn around. I honestly cannot explain how hormonal I was. I have had three other children and never experienced anything like this. Oh well, we live and learn.

One thing that I have to be thankful for I guess is that I haven’t had any morning sickness. Isn’t that amazing? Up until about 3 weeks ago, I did often feel light headed or a little tiny bit nauseous in the mornings, but certainly not enough for me to even guess that I was pregnant. I just thought it was the band, and my inability to eat much. Who knew?

Telling family, friends and work peers has been a very interesting experience. One of my closest friends thinks it is absolutely hilarious. She can not look at me without just about peeing her pants. Some people just don’t believe it. I am renowned for an occasional bit of fun, so I can’t blame them I guess. Overall though, it has been a pleasurable experience. I just can’t help it, I am just so bloody happy!!!

I had an appointment with my obstetrician today and got the stamp of approval. He does a scan at every visit so it is really reassuring to see the baby moving around. I am nearly 15 weeks now, I will keep you updated but try not to bore you too much.

Weight wise, I lost about 200gms this week, so all up I have lost just under 22kgs. Food is going down if I remember to cut teeny tiny pieces and chew until my gums hurt. If I am too tired to go through that process, I just heat up some soup.

15 Weeks pregnant.

So, what's new?

2009-03-24T21:58:00.000+10:00

Well, who would have thought? Pregnant at 44. OMG!!! Can you believe it? I know it took a while for it to sink in for us. We are over the moon. Well, we were as soon as all the testing was finished. Whew…that was a weight off our mind. Now we have received our long term CVS test results and we have the all clear, we feel fabulous. I am 14 weeks pregnant.

My daughter gave birth to a perfectly healthy little girl yesterday at 11am. Her name is Elsie, how sweet is that name? I love it! I can’t believe I am a grandmother now and will give birth later this year to my own new child. What the?

We received our test results last week, but we wanted our daughter to have her time in the sun without every single person exclaiming their disbelief that we were pregnant, every chance they had. Know what I mean? Hence the radio silence. I have no clue who reads this blog really, so I didn’t want to risk anyone finding out.

I told my new boss today, he was shocked, to say the least. I told him that I would work up until the 29th of August that will be approx two weeks before the baby is due. Then I will take off until Christmas, and go back in the New Year. Probably. Who really knows? You know, the best laid plans of men and mice and all that?

Weight wise, it is still coming off, so I don’t know what the hell that means. I had all of my fill removed weeks ago, but I am so swollen that I am having trouble eating just about anything the consistency of peanut butter or thicker. I am having a lot of soup and yoghurt days. I am taking a pregnancy vitamin and I am having regular blood tests, and all is well. I have had four scans already and the baby is growing really well.

It has been really hard to continue to blog with this HUGE news boiling away under the surface, so it is such a relief to be able to talk about it.

I will take some photos this weekend and you can tell me if you notice the bulge yet. I can’t.

Why the radio silence Tracey?

2009-03-15T13:56:00.002+10:00

Well, to tell you the truth, it is because I have news.

BIG NEWS!!!

REALLY BIG NEWS!!!!

But I can’t share yet.

I will on Saturday the 28th of March, I promise. It has been so hard to try to blog and not talk about it, so I just haven’t. And it is driving me crazy. Honestly. I log on every day and read everyone’s blog and feel so goddamned guilty for not contributing, but it will happen soon. I probably won’t blog again until that day, so please don’t be disappointed if you don't hear from me until then.

I am well, and still losing, so that’s good news. No photos yet, but as soon as I get five minutes I will snap off some new ones. This new job is totally consuming me and I mean that in a HUGE way! I don’t feel like I have any time to gather my thoughts and just sit and think anymore…know what I mean? I don’t know wether or not I will be there this time next year, the jury is out. I am travelling so much it is insane! I was in Brisbane three [count them, 3] times this week. How is a girl supposed to work, love her family, travel that much and BLOG??? Lol

And in news just in, the council finally got around to publishing the public tender for my Tea House. You know the business plan I had late last year? That I submitted to the council and they thought was a great idea, but they had to open the building that I want to use up for public tender? Yeah, that idea. Well, now I am re-visiting that idea as well. Probably because I am not really enjoying my new job. I will update you on that whenever I make a decision.

More great news is that I am going to be a grandmother on Monday week. My eldest daughter has been advised that due to the position of the baby [complete breech] she has to have a caesarean delivery, and that has been scheduled for Monday the 23rd. Excited much? I’ll tell you something for nothing, my cup is running bloody over. I am truly blessed.

Currently sitting on 86kgs.

I am like Peter Pan, I want to believe it's true.

2009-03-01T08:13:00.003+10:00

What a beautiful day it is in my neck of the woods. 23degrees Celsius and not a cloud in the sky. Honestly, it is days like today that make up for the 44degree tortuously humid days that appear in our summer calendar.

I don’t have much planned for today, just some washing, and an extended walk around the garden to visit all the outdoor rooms I have been neglecting since my new job started. But whatever I do, I will certainly appreciate the absolutely gorgeous outdoor conditions.

My garden this morning.

Just as I will also be sure to appreciate the addition of my band as an integral component of my successful weight loss. I will try to never take it for granted. Maybe that will be the difference I need to maintain my weight loss once I have achieved my desired loss. I don’t want this journey to become just another one of my dieting statistics. Know what I mean?

I still can’t let myself believe that this is a permanent weight loss method. I know, I know, I sound so cynical don’t I? But I have lost weight in the past, lots of weight in fact. I certainly do not struggle when I go on a diet, that is part of the reason why I have lost so much weight in such a short time now. I can stick to a diet. But, I always put it back on.

I have to be honest and say though; I certainly DO NOT feel like I am on a diet now. Maybe that is the significant component to not gaining it back. I really and truly do not feel like I am on a diet in any way shape or form.

This is my bandster eating schedule. I choose food that I enjoy, from the selection of food I know will go down and eat until I am full. I drink water until I am hungry again [usually about 3.5 hours] then I repeat the cycle. Sounds so simple doesn’t it? I just have to make sure I exclude food that gets stuck, such as dry meat, pastry, white bread, white pasta and rice. And let me tell you pain is a great motivator. If something hurts me, I am extremely unlikely to feel penalised if I cannot eat it.

Oh, and by the way….

87 (eighty-seven) is the natural number following 86 and preceding 88.

Eighty-seven is the twenty-sixth distinct semiprime and the eighth of the form (3.q). The aliquot sum of 87 is 33 within the aliquot sequence (87,33,15,9,4,3,1,0) 86 being the eighteenth composite number in the 3-aliquot tree.
Eighty-seven is the sum of the squares of the first four primes. It is also the sum of the sum of divisors of the first ten integers.

It is also what I weigh right now!!!! 87kgs

That is a 20 Kilo loss since the 1st of November 2008. March photos will be posted tomorrow.

How do I feel? Fantastic!!!

2009-02-20T19:37:00.003+10:00

Friday weigh in….drum roll please.

Yahoo!!!

88kgs.

That means I am only 1kg off my 20kg weight loss goal.

How do I feel?

Absolutley fantastic, that’s how I feel. Although I have had a tight week, and I have had to go to visit my surgeon a couple of times, but I think we have it sorted now.

To be fair, I have probably lost the last 3kgs due to my inability to eat solid food on a regular basis. I am all over the shop. I might be able to eat normally for three days or so, and then wham; no solid food will go down for two days. Anyway, it should be sorted out now, like I mentioned I have seen the surgeon twice this week and we think we have it beat!
Hopefully more words to come over the weekend.

Hope you enjoy your two day break.

Today I felt like a square peg!

2009-02-15T18:51:00.000+10:00

Hello fellow bloggers and blog readers, my life has been pretty boring this week, hence no posting!

My band had been quite good until Friday, when I must have eaten something that did not agree with me and wham! I was vomiting. I mean real vomiting too, not the bandster PB’ing, but gut wrenching, from the bottom of your stomach, cold sweat running down between your shoulder blades, stomach cramping vomiting.

Not nice!

Not nice at all with a band. So that was lunchtime Friday, and knowing that my stomach swells up whenever I just PB, I knew I was in for a shocker of a weekend and that it was. Self-fulfilling prophesy perhaps? Maybe, but it was bad baby. The worst it has been since I have been banded. Fluids only since then. It has settled back down this afternoon and I had a lovely lunch and I am planning on savoury mince with lots of veges in it for dinner. God I miss good food when my stomach is swollen up around my band.

I went to my regular plan B for these circumstances now, and had two shakes a day yesterday, with cups of soup in between. I wasn’t hungry, but you just start to feel like you NEED to chew something. Know what I mean? Anyway, all is well with the world again now, so no complaining.

My weight is stable, I had actually lost about 500grams this week on my weigh in morning, Friday, but I only ever update my ticker or stats page when it is a complete kilo, so hopefully next Friday we will see some more movement.

I am extremely happy with my weight loss progress so far. I have lost 18kgs and I feel wonderful. I spent the day at the beach today with my eldest daughter while my youngest was at a birthday party for four hours. I really enjoyed just strolling around; we stopped occasionally to window shop and of course for morning tea and lunch. I felt so…I don’t know, NORMAL??? I didn’t feel like it was a big deal, I didn’t feel like the fat lady out with her beautiful daughter. I didn’t feel eyes on me, or catch people’s gaze returning to me on a more than regular basis. All those charming things that happen to us when we don’t fit into society’s square hole. Today, I did not feel like a round peg.

Let them eat cake!

2009-02-08T10:54:00.002+10:00

Has everyone seen last week’s episode of House? If you haven’t seen it, and don’t want to read about what happens, then stop reading now.

What. A. Shocker.

I usually love this show, but this week’s episode pushed some of my buttons. Seriously!

Titled “Let them eat cake” I should have sensed something was up straight away. Basic plot summary goes like this, fitness guru collapses while she is filming her latest DVD. She is so fit and healthy looking, they have trouble diagnosing her condition…. Until an x-ray reveals that she has had a gastric bypass.

Now, at this stage of the show, I got a little bit excited to tell you the truth, I was really interested in how they were going to handle this issue. Particularly since the operation [or weight loss surgery in general] is experiencing an extremely sharp increase at the moment due to the global obesity epidemic.

The first words out of Gregory House’s mouth tidied up that dilemma for me.

Cheater!

That’s how he labelled her. The treatment of this issue went downhill after that. The woman was throughout the show labelled a hypocrite, a self loathing fat hater, a liar, a cheat, weak and many more adjectives I can not remember now.

The final telling insult that gave us an insight into the writer’s mind was when the treatment options were revealed.

She could have the surgery reversed [she wasn’t told that it would be nearly impossible in this case as it was long term gastric stapling] and go on to a diet high in carbs and fat to keep her alive, but obviously obese for the rest of her life.
She could take a daily tablet to manage the symptoms and be medicated for the rest of her life.

When she chose B, both Taub and House made such a big deal about her wanting to be PRETTY rather than HEALTHY and how disappointed and disillusioned they were, that I wanted to put my foot through the television.

Again… Seriously?

Sometimes you can tell a lot about the writer of an episode can’t you? You know what I wish? I wish they would put the name of each episode’s writer clearly at the beginning of each episode and I would definitely choose not to watch another one of this particular writer’s episodes about anything in general really, but specifically, their myopic view of WLS.

Oh, and P fuckin S, how come you can’t be pretty and fat????????? Because that was one assumption they automatically applied to this situation.

Friday weigh in.

2009-02-06T07:39:00.001+10:00

Heading out the door for a Mackay trip for work right now, but will blog tomorrow.

Making time to smell the flowers.

2009-01-31T13:03:00.001+10:00

Happy Saturday to everyone.

As soon as you re-enter the workforce you really start to appreciate the weekends again…real quick!

I feel like I have been on the zipper at the annual show. I have been moving that quickly I hardly have had time to regroup. Back to back meetings when I am at work, and when I am not, I am in meetings in Melbourne, Brisbane, Bundaberg, Gladstone and off to Mackay next week. OMG!!!

But am I enjoying it? Oh yes, I am lovin it baby! It will settle down soon, I am sure. As soon as I have implemented some operational systems, and put some communication processes in place, it will be sweet. I love it, but I am afraid that I have been neglecting my family, pets, garden and my blog. Hopefully I have settled in enough now to block out enough time throughout my workday so that I can finish at a reasonable time of day. You will soon see anyway, won’t you? By the number of posts I make the time to contribute.

Not much to report bandwise. As you know, I ate way too much in Melbourne, the outcome of that was an extra 2.8kgs put on over five days! Can you believe we can put it on that quickly? Due to me feeling like I could eat too large of a quantity at meal times, I had actually planned on getting a small fill this week. But since last Wednesday, out of the blue, I have been experiencing great restriction again.

Who knows why? Maybe hormones, maybe my body saying wake up to yourself you silly woman! I really did overeat whilst in Melbourne.

But by the end of the week, I had lost whatever weight I had put on and lost an extra kilo. AMAZING. I am taking it too.

I have updated my stats page with photos for February, new measurements and weights. Go and have a look.
http://timeforstats.blogspot.com/

and news just in....

2009-01-30T07:34:00.002+10:00

Woohoo!!!

More tonight, I have been away most of the week.

Tracey

I ate what? Yes that's right....everything!

2009-01-26T21:41:00.000+10:00

Well hello there, I am just back in from Melbourne tonight.

I am exhausted! And Bloated! My family were down there for the Australian Open from last Monday, and I had to go down for Business meetings on Friday the 23rd, so I flew down on Thursday afternoon and went to my meetings on Friday, then stayed on with the family and flew home tonight.

Boy oh boy, did we fit a lot in…we did not stop. Tennis of course, we saw some great matches including the marathon game between Bagdadas and Fish, Dokics big win and the Williams sisters in full flight in the doubles matches. Fanbloodytastic!!! So many more, but you get the idea.

We also visited Melbourne Gaol, the Museum, watched Dark Knight at the Imax theatre, visited the Eureka tower, in which Hannah and I went out onto “the edge”. This is a cube of reinforced glass that slides out of the building on the 88th floor. I know. I can’t believe it did it either. It was amazing. We also visited the Aquarium, Fred and Hannah drove the Great Ocean Road and they even flew over the remaining apostles in a helicopter! I can’t believe Fred did that as he suffers from Vertigo. Well-done Fred.

Ok, here’s the crunch…. we ate. [I ate]

A lot.

We ate the most amazing food, Italian, Chinese, Japanese, and Vietnamese, lots of Aussie cuisine as well. Outcome = I am bloated.

I just weighed myself then [9.30pm] and that was a big mistake. I don’t even know why I did that. I must be a masochist. I will reweigh in the morning and get a true indication of the damage then, but I would not be surprised to have put on 2 to 3 kilos over the past 5 days. I ate a lot.

I think I have been so careful since my unfill, that I really had been dieting conscientiously, and making sure that I only serve myself bandits portion sizes. When left to my own devices in the wild [or, if you prefer, on holidays], I am eating with Gay abandon!!!

Even though the thought of being overfull scares me, I think I am going to have to phone and request a small [maybe .5] fill, because really, I can eat way too much! Especially when I am not thinking about it, if you know what I mean?

Anyway, back to the real world tomorrow, so I will see how I go then.

Lessons learned.

2009-01-18T21:03:00.009+10:00

This has been a very interesting week Band wise. I have learnt several new pieces of information.

If I don’t eat enough protein, I get HUNGRY, often!

This was exhibited to me on Wednesday when I had to fly to Brisbane for all day meetings and did not even think about packing a portable lunch. So, because I was up at 5am to catch the flight, I did not have breakfast at home. Who feels like eating at 4.30am? Not me, that’s for sure. As I flew Qantas, I could not order breakfast on the plane, I accepted what they gave everyone, which was a muffin, orange juice and muesli bar. I did not eat the muesli, but ate the muffin and drank the juice. [Drank the juice first, then waited a bit before eating the muffin.]

Straight from the airport to our first meeting at an international university campus in the city, straight from that meeting to a 10.30 meeting at Mediacom, which was scheduled to go for 4 hours, so they provided morning tea and lunch. I did not have any of the morning tea, as it was all biscuits and cakes, so when the lunch tray came in, I could not hold back any further as going out to buy lunch was not an option. Sandwiches with thick bread and minimal fillings, on, you guessed it, mainly white bread. There were some grain ones, but of the 7 meeting attendees, the grain choices proved very popular. I ended up with two grain triangles with roast beef and tomato and one white bread triangle with curried egg. I chose the ones that I felt would give me the most protein and would give me the least problems with swallowing. Thankfully, everything went down trouble free. I was NOT full, but I exercised restraint by not eating any more sandwiches and I resisted the chocolate-coated biscuits that stayed on the table for the entire meeting.

I must be honest here and say that sweets are generally not my weakness, but I was HUNGRY!!! I had not felt this hungry for ages, so inside my head I was giving a vote of thanks for the bands presence. I remembered how this felt and what it used to mean as far as calorie consumption meant. Thousands of unused calories eaten every day.

Anyway, we went from that meeting, directly to an AGM at another university campus. Afternoon tea was provided, which included, of course, biscuits and cake!!! So, I unobtrusively moved the plate around the table whenever it came to me and did not eat any of the biscuits. I drank LOTS of water, like I had in the morning meeting as well.

We went from that meeting to the airport, and as we had one hour before our flight, we went straight into the Qantas club lounge. I felt like I could eat the fork out of a nightie by this stage and went straight over to the buffet. Well, for some reason, the usual cold cut selection was empty, as was the cheese platters. I asked a staff member if these trays were being filled up soon and she said that it would normally never be empty, but they had a refrigeration problem and due to health and safety, had to empty out the fridges.

Oh well, there was deep fried food galore, and have I mentioned that I was HUNGRY??? So I plated up some fried shit and ate it like there was no tomorrow. Talking about tomorrow, the morning after this episode, I was on the toilet evacuating the fried food. Explosively. Oh well. Another lesson learned, my stomach cannot tolerate so many carbs, and so much deep-fried shit any more without reacting violently.

Another lesson I learned just tonight.

I had leg ham and salad for dinner, yummy! Beetroot, corn, cheese, tomato, cucumber, shallots, capsicum and asparagus with leg ham to be precise. I found that I couldn’t eat the bottom part of the asparagus stalk unless I am extremely CAREFULL! The top of the asparagus is fine, but the stalk, not so much.
But, once again, since my unfill, it is not the end of eating for two days now if I get anything stuck. I recognise the feeling before it turns into pain, then I stop eating completely and wait for it go down. It usually takes about 30 minutes, and then I am fine to eat again. This is such luxury compared to my life before the unfill.

So, if I don’t enough protein I get HUNGRY, often.
If I eat too many carbs, or too much deep fried food, I get diarrhoea.
The stalks of asparagus do not go down well and I probably won’t eat them again.

Am I happy? Extremely. I feel like I am learning to work WITH the band, instead of pushing it's boundary's. Know what I mean?

Weigh in news

2009-01-16T07:39:00.002+10:00

Happy Friday to you all! This is just a quick weigh in post because I could not wait until after work to change my stats to 92kg. Down another kilo. Yippee!!!

THAT striped shirt.

2009-01-11T21:42:00.003+10:00

Well here it is at last. I did forget you know, it was only that someone reminded me in the comments section that I hadn't posted a photo of THAT shirt.

This is the STRIPED shirt that "shock, horror" a fat lady,[ME], bought to wear to Christmas lunch.

These are not the pants I wore it with, these are much longer, but I still think it looks ok.

Ok, and onto a band story.

It seems since my unfill, I am way more relaxed about my eating. This is generally a good thing, but tonight, I totally forgot to chew as per bandit requirments and yes, you guessed it, food was stuck.

But, and here is the exciting thing, with just a few minutes of patience, and small amount of gurgling....IT WENT DOWN!!! I was able to continue eating and finish my meal WITHOUT PAIN.

I am so glad that I had that unfill. I have not overeaten all weekend, and that includes one BBQ, two dining out experiences and a trip to the movies.

I really feel the most hopefull that I have for the entire journey so far, that this experience is actually maintainable and that I can live in peace with the band. Yay!!!

Finally, for those of you who haven't visited my statistics page, here is a link to it. I have updated photos, measurements adn weights for January. http://timeforstats.blogspot.com/

There is a permanent link on the right hand side of this page if you are interested. I try to update the stats page on a montly basis.

Thanks for reading.

Tracey

Losing weight through satiety and portion control...not starvation.

2009-01-10T11:51:00.004+10:00

It has been that long since I changed my weight tracker ticker that I needed to change my password to access it because I couldn’t remember it! I have opted to only change my ticker or update my stats page when I have lost 1kg or more, so sometimes I guess that is going to take longer than a week. Maybe I should my write my password down somewhere? I will not update an increase, but I will blog about it.

Anyway, I have updated today, so that means I have lost another kilo. I think this is due to me not eating a complete diet for several days out of each of the past few weeks, but we will have evidence to support or negate this theory by Friday next week because yesterday I had UNFILL. That’s right folks, you read it write, I have had fill taken out. Here I was thinking that I was due for a fill, my health care professionals thought otherwise and due to the word "professionals" in that sentence, I duly responded compliantly. This is how it happened.

I had my dietician’s appointment on Wednesday night and we spoke about my eating and how I couldn’t eat several things like wholegrain bread, some vegetables, Chicken Breast, pork and beef. Then, I mentioned that if I do get something stuck, I swell up inside and can’t get any solids down for the rest of that day and sometimes for two days. She looked a bit distressed! Her immediate reaction was of course that I needed an unfill. But wait I said, when I CAN eat, I am ravenous between meals and can’t seem to feel full for long [two to three] hours at a time, so I don’t think I need an unfill, I think I need a fill and I need to chew better so that I don’t get stuck anymore. Anyway, I left the appointment, then she phoned my surgeon [I think it is wonderful that they work so closely together] and described what we had just discussed.

The next morning, I received a phone call from my surgeon’s office asking me to schedule an appointment, so I did of course. The scheduled time was for Friday at 11.30. Due to getting some dinner stuck on Thursday night, I was still too swollen to eat anything for breakfast on Friday morning, so made sure I ate something just before the surgeons appointment. Remember I thought I was going in for a FILL. Anyway, I was at work, but had brought food in, so I plated up one slice of ham off the bone, one tablespoon of pickles and two premium biscuits. I ate about half of it, then GOT STUCK!!! Bloody hell, talk about shit timing. Oh well, nothing I could do about it, went for my appointment with my surgeon and as soon as I sat down, knew that she had been talking with my dietician.

After discussing my journey so far with me, she said that I should not be living like I have been. And that I have not really been on a full diet since the actual surgery and that something needed to change to make that happen. AN UNFILL!!! I was apprehensive, I explained to her how I felt really hungry on the days that I could eat, and she said she thought it was because I wasn’t eating enough full stop, but especially wasn’t eating enough on the days that I was getting stuck. I told her that the idea of "going backwards" really scared me and that I didn’t want to feel like I had come this far and gone through so much to only see the scales go up! She reassured me that I should in fact be able to eat a wholesome, full diet containing all the required food groups and STILL LOSE WEIGHT. She said the main purpose of the band should be to control portion size and satiety levels, not starve me down the scales.

It all made sense to me, so out it came. Turns out there was just over 3mils in, so she took out one mil and left me with around two mils. I have to say, the effect was immediate. Remembering that I had a piece of ham stuck when I had my appointment, as soon as the saline came out, the ham went down. Amazing! So, I celebrated that relief with a Chai Tea Frappe from McDonalds on the way back to work. And guess what? I was not hungry all afternoon. I was at work though, so maybe that was the great distraction?

Last night we had a BBQ dinner with family and I served my plate up with one small natural sausage and half a rissole, with tomato, corn, beetroot and cheese. There would have been one cup of salad all together. I ate two bites of the sausage, the entire half of the rissole and most of the salad. I also ate some jatz and kabana and cheese before dinner. Probably about 6 jatz. And I also had about 4 rice crackers with philly cheese and chilli sauce throughout the night as well. And three alcholic drinks. I did not feel out of control.

This morning I have had one slice of wholegrain toast [yippee!!! I haven’t eaten toast for so long] half with peanut butter on it and the other half with vegemite on it. I have had a cup of tea and about 3 glasses of water as well.

I do not feel hungry.

I feel relieved.

Love the job and can eat again.

2009-01-06T20:00:00.002+10:00

I love my new job! It is everything I thought it would be, stimulating, challenging, plenty of scope for the development and implementation of systems [which is my speciality] and it is in the marketing division, my chosen field of interest.

The first two days have been full on, with meeting after meeting, yesterday we didn’t stop for any breaks and because I didn’t have breakfast due to fear of getting stuck on my first day of my new job, I didn’t eat until I got home from work last night at around 7pm. I was not hungry all day either obviously; otherwise I would have tried to eat something. Anyway, the break from food was probably a good thing, I managed to eat as per usual last night and have had lunch and afternoon tea today, no problem whatsoever. I have actually been hungry today. I think I do need a fill, and I was just swollen from god’s know what! So, in my spare time tomorrow [jokes] I will book in a fill.

I will write more tomorrow I promise.

Who needs a fill to limit intake? Not me!

2009-01-04T12:07:00.004+10:00

Well, funny how things turn out sometimes isn’t it? No fill for me. But it turns out that it is probably a good thing.

The nurse that was going to do the fill for me [surgeons on leave] phoned me Friday morning to let me know that she was ill and didn’t want to risk me catching it because it was a vomiting bug and you know what happens when you vomit with a band? Not good. So anyway, she kindly gave me a couple of alternative options regarding a fill if I thought it was urgent, but I wasn’t feeling that hot myself, so I just decided to wait until next week for my fill.

That was Friday the 2nd by the way, and I had a huge birthday party to go to that night. I had volunteered to do the photos for the night, so I didn’t want to feel sick for that either. The husband of a very good friend of mine was celebrating his 50th in style. What a party. Over a hundred people, live band, the works!

Anyway, it was a banquet style dinner, self serve, hot chicken, pork and roasted vegies. I served myself one slice of pork and one roast potato, had one mouthful and got stuck!!! Stuck pretty badly too, wouldn’t go down, wouldn’t come up. So, I made an executive decision and waited for the pain to subside [knowing that the food was finally down the tube] and started drinking instead. Now, I must say, I am not a big drinker. Two or three of anything and I am ratshit. But on I drank. Drinking away my hunger, before I knew it, I was not the least bit hungry, in fact food was the last thing on my mind. So was water. Damn it!!!

Here is a photo of me for you to laugh at!
Here is a photo of Fred and I. It was a themed party for the guys, they had to were a loud shirt. So funny, before the end of the night, all the guys [over 60 of them] had changed shirts at least 3 times, many more times for some. The photos are soooo funny.

Went to bed around 2.30am and slept the sleep of the damned. Woke up about 7am feeling like there was a bag of cottenballs in my mouth that an elephant had peed on! Great! I also needed to pee, drink something cold and wrap my head in an ice bandanna, and I needed to do it without moving a muscle. Turns out that was an impossible dream, so I stumbled out of bed and went to the toilet. When I washed my hands I made the fatal mistake of looking up into the mirror and witnessed the horror that I was.

Next on the agenda was cool drink and ice and pain relief. I opened the fridge and my partner in crime from the night before [husband] who had started work earlier that morning had left me two presents in the fridge. One glass with dissolved Panadol and one glass with dissolved Berocca, he must love me a LOT! Now I just needed to decide which to drink first. Panadol won. Then one glass of cold water, then back to bed. Woke up three hours later to sound of banging on the window in my bedroom, my eldest daughter was bringing home my youngest daughter from a sleepover at her house the night before.

I felt shabby to say the least.

Drank the Berocca, then sat and thought about reading the paper. Just thinking about it satisfied my curiosity, so no need to actually read it. What a relief. After some more sitting and thinking, I decided that food would help, and here begins my real two days of pain and anguish. NOTHING WILL GO DOWN. What the hell? I tried baked beans first; one teaspoon went down, then no more! The usual full feeling, followed by the spasming oesophagus is a very real warning sign not to eat a drop more. So, I didn’t. To tell you the truth I was still very tired anyway. [Must have been all the stylish dance moves from the night before]

Back to bed. Woke up around 3.30pm, had a nice long cold drink, two more dissolvable Panadol and actually opened the paper up and tried to maintain my concentration levels enough to finish one sentence at a time. All to no avail of course, but at least it felt like I was trying to participate in life.

I was not hungry at all. Considering that the last real food I had eaten was yoghurt for lunch on the Friday before, and maybe two mouthful of failed food since, I should have been a little bit peckish. Nope! So I ate a tub of yoghurt for stamina and had a little lay down. The yoghurt went down well and stayed down!

Got back up around dinner time and thought about what we should eat, I had many options to choose from as the fridge and freezer were full of opportunities, but due to me not keeping anything down, I thought I would go for the easy to swallow option of Nachos. No actual nachos for me of course, just the mince mixture with salsa and sour cream. They looked and smelt divine. You know how good this smelt if you have had a hangover and not eaten for a couple of days. Seriously, my mouth was salivating. One mouthful later, no joy! Would not settle. Gurgled my way through three bites because I was hungry damn it! Three bites took over 40 minutes to gurgle down and then of course it was a cold, congealed mess so it had to go. Boy was I sad to see it go. I really really wanted to eat it.

Just tea and water for the rest of the night, then off to bed around midnight. I had a great sleep, woke up early, did a few loads of washing, then about 3 hours after waking, decided to eat. I thought scrambled eggs with finely chopped onion and tomato would be a good choice. I have had this heaps of times for breakfast. NO, Won’t go down. Pain for two hours. The saliva that was sitting on top of the first bite would come up, but no food reappeared. So off to the bathroom every 10 to 15 minutes to get rid of the heavy saliva until the egg finally made it’s way down. No, not scrambled eggs, you must be kidding me, right? No, scrambled eggs did not go down.

WTF? What has happened to me? Maybe I have a piece of pork still stuck from Friday night? It was awfully dry. Maybe there is a piece wedged in the opening or something? Fluids for me for sure. I can only imagine what would have happened if I had of gone ahead with the fill on Friday morning…I would probably be back up at the hospital by now, getting the entire amount of fill removed. I would definitely have blamed the new fill for this eating issue.

I will stay on fluids today and see what happens tomorrow morning when I try breakfast. Looks like I may need to visit the Dr. I will keep you posted!

Back on the...

2009-01-01T12:50:00.001+10:00

I am booked in for a fill tomorrow. I have been feeling hungry about an hour after I eat for the past week and it is not cool! I forgot how much help the band was in that department. I guess on normal days it wouldn’t be such a problem, but due to Christmas, Birthday and New Year celebrations, there is MUCH enticing food just lying around my house. So, it is very difficult to fight the urge 24/7. Know what I mean?

So before my appointment tomorrow I will clean out the fridge and pantry, then plan my family’s menu for the next week and go shopping on the way home from the surgery and buy what I need to prepare just those meals. No More, no less!

So much of the success of achieving anything is about planning isn’t it? We need to arm ourselves with the correct tools to get the job done.

I start my new job on Monday and I am so bloody excited I can hardly get to sleep! I am going to find out about staff membership of the Gym and join on day 1! Woohoo!

New beginnings.

2009-01-01T10:15:00.005+10:00

I am welcoming 2009 with open arms.

I always feel the sense of endings and beginnings around this time of year. I love the opportunity for do-overs and I see the breaking dawn of the first day of the New Year as an excellent clean slate. Not that I don’t appreciate and applaud the positives from the outgoing year, it’s just so exciting to think about the possibilities of what COULD be in the new year.

Remember the first day of school when all your schoolbooks were brand new and covered nicely? And you took extra special care when writing in the books for the first time to keep your writing neat and tidy? That’s how I feel about the New Year. You know what? Some years, some subject books stayed neat for the ENTIRE YEAR! So, even though I didn’t excel in every single subject, I did manage to keep on top of several of them.

That, I feel, is reflected in my life as well. I start out with the right mindset and enthusiasm for every single facet of my life, perhaps trying a bit harder in some areas, and just managing to dotting the I’s in others, but regardless, it is a new start and I always feel as though I have the choice to pick the areas of my life that I would like to focus on. [We don’t really, do we?]

This year I am choosing to focus on the following:

I refuse to let my new career diminish or overshadow my relationship with my family.

I will embrace the opportunity my lap band has given me to improve my health and support it by making healthy food choices. We are a team!

Exercise will be a regular component of my life. I will participate in planned exercise at least three times each week.

I will hydrate my body with at least 7 glasses of water a day.

That is four areas of my life that I am choosing to keep “neat”, shouldn’t be too hard should it? Well, trust me, you will hear about it if I mess up.

I believe in setting attainable, realistic goals, otherwise they are just dreams aren’t they, and I already have plenty of them. I don’t think I am being unreasonable at all…

To Absent friends. [Will Power and Water]

2008-12-27T08:35:00.004+10:00

Photo of me, my husband and our youngest daughter on Xmas Eve

Christmas has been wonderful so far. Our children have been with us every day and most nights. We have played Buzz, Singstar, Guitar Hero, Crib, 500, Eucre, Who Where What [this is a scream], swam in the pool, played totem tennis, talked all day about the breeze.

And ate! Not a lot compared to what I would normally consume, but a lot compared to what I have been eating recently. So, the scales of course have reflected that and I have gained a kilo. I will not be updating my stats page or my ticker this week. I do not feel guilty about that, I just wanted to share.

I have had probably two drinks a night for three nights, and boy, my body is not used to that either! It really does impair my decision making in regards to snacking. So, no more tipples. Not that that will be a problem, I won’t miss it, but just putting it out there.

I am disappointed with the amount of food that I can eat in one sitting now, I didn’t realise how much that was because I only usually serve a small amount onto my plate, and that’s that. Know what I mean? But over the holiday season the food sits on the table for a while and pick pick pick goes the fingers! And I can fit A LOT in.

But, heres the thing, I still get stuck with certain food. I have had a blockage every day in varying degrees. Pork, Ham and Turkey have been the culprits and each time they have eventually gone down, not up so that was good, but my dilemma is, if I am still getting stuck on relatively small pieces of meat, but I can eat a lot in one sitting, should I have a fill? I DO NOT want to eat through a straw. So, maybe I will “get smart” from today and serve my meal on my plate and not pick from the table! I think I will bring in the experts, the team from “Will Power” they know what they are doing.

Oh, and my good friend, H2o, you know the one I talk about all the time? Well he hasn’t been to my place much this past week, so I will definitely be asking him back into my life.

See you on the lighter side of life my friends.
Tracey

I wonder how a fat zebra feels?

2008-12-23T08:45:00.007+10:00

My family are having lunch at another family’s home for Christmas day.

We have been friends with this family for well over 20 years, so it is like we have some extended family. Yay!!!

I don’t usually bother about planning wardrobe choices, but want to look nice for lunch, so I have been thinking about it. I have a nice pair of white three quarter pants that I bought by looking at the label only, before I lost weight and of course they never fit! But they do now…yippee! So I thought a nice festive shirt would go lovely with them. I went to the shops yesterday with a few little last minute chores and to buy my top.

When I go clothes shopping, I make sure I have a fairly good idea of what I want before I go. I have developed this over time, to save myself from becoming anxious or upset from trying on too many clothes from too many shops and having to look in those god dam mirrors too often. Know what I mean?

So, I knew that I wanted: Nothing like this >>>>>>

What I wanted was the following:

Festive coloured shirt, preferably red
If there is a print or pattern, not too busy
Three quarter sleeves or at least elbow sleeves [my HUGE arms prevent me from feeling comfortable in anything short]
Hip length
Non clingy
Size 18 - 20

Well, I visited a few stores and looked around, but as you can imagine, once I went through my list of requirements, there were not many articles of clothing left in the “might try on” category. And this is exactly why I have my list, so I don’t have to trek into the changing rooms to try on the feeling of disappointment 10 times instead of 2 or 3.

So, I go into Noni B [who else calls their woo woo, a noni?], and look around, and before I knew it, I had two tops to try on! Woohoo!!! I was pretty happy with that, so off I went into the dressing room and tried them both on. Only to be disappointed by the fact that they both had sleeves that wanted to be condoms in another life. They were not sleeves, they were sheaths.

Oh well, back to the drawing board, so back out into the body of the shop, looking around, I was about to leave when one of the shop assistants [quite mature aged lady] asked me if she could help. Now, usually I say no, due to my list of pre-requirements, once I start rattling them off, I know what I sound like and I hate that, so I usually say no. But I was feeling a little bit desperate, this was the last shop before the exit and out of 84 speciality stores, I had NOT found my shirt!

So…me, “yes please, I am looking for a festive coloured shirt, with ¾ sleeves that is not clingy and is in a size 18 – 20”. This is the reaction I received. Confused look, pirouette on one heel, taking in the entire store obviously, then this “ No, sorry, nothing I can think of”. Thanks I say and do my own pirouette to get out of the store. I hate to feel like nothing fits me out of an ENTIRE store full of clothes, but invariably, that is what I feel like when I am unsuccessful in my shopping pursuits.

Whilst turning, a flash of red catches my eye. What are the chances of it being an article of clothing that meets my requirements? I went over and had a look, and started checking off boxes, right size, red and white in colour, elbow length sleeves, looks nice enough to wear to Christmas lunch. Yes, I will try it on. The shop assistant has sort of melted away by this stage, off to help some average sized lady with way more buying prospects than me! [She wasn’t rude to me at all, just not helpful]

Success!!! It looks like just what I was after. This is fantastic, and doesn’t happen very often. So, off to the counter I went. The shop assistant from earlier steps behind the counter with a spring in her step, she is excited too! A sale!

Then, she says this, “Oh, I would never have suggested stripes for you, but I am glad you like it”.

I KID YOU NOT!!!

This is what she says to me. I nearly didn’t buy it. Can you believe the insensitivity of some people? She had NO idea that what she said had offended me, none at all. She was just stating a fact! She would never suggest a striped shirt to a FAT lady!

Oh well, what can you do? You can’t change how people think, you can’t change what people’s perceptions of weighty women are. But for god’s sake, do some sales training if you work in retail! Learn to train your tongue, if not your bloody mind!

You know what, I don’t like being fat, I don’t like how some clothes look on me [ok, most clothes] but I know when they look nice and I am not a bloody idiot, I know when they look shit too!

I wonder how my clothes shopping experience will change with my weight loss? Can you imagine the freedom of not having to have a “pre-shopping check list?” The liberty of walking into a store and seeing something that you like and just trying it on?

OMG, I can’t!

Ps…I will post a photo of me in the STRIPED shirt when I put it on for Christmas lunch. It will come with a warning, so you can shield your eyes if necessary…lol.

Good news week.

2008-12-19T08:40:00.002+10:00

Weigh in day, and it is good news all round! Hooray!!! I am down 2kgs. This is the most amazing journey so far. I do not feel hungry between meals, I can only eat small portions and yet they fill me. Amazing!

The only downside I see so far is the trouble I am experiencing with some foods. After only one fill of 3.5ml I cannot eat

Chicken Breast

Sausages that aren't cut up very small
Pastry [Good thing]
White Bread [Good thing]
Burrito or wraps [I suppose this is a good thing, but I love Mexican food]

I have learnt though that all stuck food does NOT have to come back up. I was forcing food that was stuck to come back up and then everything was getting swollen and I could not keep any food down. Not pleasant. But, this is a learning curve and boy, am I learning.

So, if anyone is reading this because they are researching the lapband process, I have only good things to say about it so far, and trust me, I am a tell all kind of gal, so if I have any problems along the way, you will hear about it.

Sharing the news...

2008-12-18T21:27:00.002+10:00

WooHoo!!!! I was offered the position at the CQUniversity today. So after I thought about it [for at least a nanosecond] I ACCEPTED! I start on Monday the 5th of January.

I am so happy right now. I feel like my mind has started to become soft, I really am looking forward to the mental stimulation and the challenge of the task in front of me.

I am going to phone the council and tell them that because the process took so long [they still haven’t published the call for submissions yet], that I am withdrawing my interest in developing a teahouse. I offered it to my eldest daughter, but she has decided that she is going to concentrate on her first baby [due in March, did I tell you I am going to be a grandmother?], which I think is probably the best decision.

So, yay me! I will weigh in tomorrow morning with hopefully good news. Seeya then…

Rock-Banders Rock!!!

2008-12-14T19:33:00.000+10:00

Today I met up with some bandits from my local area. It was fabulous to sit down and just blow the breeze with like-minded women who have experienced lap banding. I had the opportunity to ask questions, listen to them discuss every day situations that haven’t affected me yet, but probably will down the track some time. I felt like I was part of a “community” just like I feel about my blogging buddies. So thanks guys, if any of the Rock-Bandits [we live in the Rockhampton region ] are reading this, Thanks for making me feel welcome and included. Thank you to my blogging buddies as well, I love catching up on all your lives and sharing mine with you.

It is also great to know that I am sitting down to talk with women who have spent a large part of their life feeling “different” from “normal” folk. I have always found it difficult to speak openly and honestly about my food issues and my weight with generic sized people. I know that sounds crazy, but I always felt as though I would be judged “greedy” or “lazy” by them if I started to talk about my love of food.

Turns out that they are labels that I have put on myself, most folk don’t give a flying rats arse what size I am and how much I think about food.

This has been a valuable lesson for me to learn. I have come to understand that there is one common denominator amongst nearly every human being you will ever meet; if it doesn’t impact on them, or directly involve them in anyway, it is secondary to their life and interest factor. This is important to understand. Most people don’t care!

If you think about that long enough, it just may be sadder than the alternative…

Drama Queen Much?

2008-12-12T10:15:00.006+10:00

Ok, I need to tell you something. When the professionals and other bandits tell you that you need to change the way you eat, they are. …RIGHT.

You need to change the way you

Prepare meals
Serve meals
Eat meals [This is probably the most important]

Seriously, I thought I was chewing my food enough, turns out I was most of the time, but the first bite I took I was chewing A BIT then swallowing because I was in a hurry to satiate my hunger.

This tells me two things:

Don’t let myself get that hungry
Take a small bite first and prepare my oesophagus for the incoming food.

I went up to the surgeon’s rooms yesterday morning because I hadn’t heard from them about an appointment. The surgeon couldn’t see me until the afternoon, and I live out of town and life is just so busy right now, you know what it is like. So, my daughter and I had a hair appointment at 1pm, both of us for full colours, foils, cuts etc, then my youngest daughter had a doctors appointment at 3pm, and the surgeon wasn’t available after then. I thought to myself, ok, I will go up tomorrow to see the surgeon. I will be fine for one more day.

Well, I don’t know how to explain it, but it was like, because I had made the decision to see the surgeon, I was immediately more relaxed about eating because I thought I had solved the problem. I thought I would just eat very very carefully for the day so that I avoided any painful situations.

I had listened to all the advice that I have read on my fellow bloggers websites, and pieces of that came back to me yesterday and made so much sense, like the first bite syndrome. Have you heard of that? What it means is that, sometimes, we are so hungry that we take the first bite of our meal and it is too big, we don’t chew enough and we swallow way too fast. Just to get something in our hungry stomach. Your oesophagus immediately starts to spasm and your mouth starts to produce too much saliva. The first mouthful generally blocks the channel into your new pouch and NOTHING gets past. This resonated with me. Even the morning I had made yummy scrambled eggs, I served the eggs with my usual one slice of ham. My meal smelt so delicious and I was so hungry, that I cut a piece of ham, put some scrambled eggs on the fork as well, chewed obligatorily, then swallowed. Sure, the rest of the meal was chewed to within an inch of its life, but the first bit had done the damage.

So…Because I was truly thinking about the eating process yesterday I chewed the first bite frantically. I chewed the first bite of everything I ate until it was paste! I ate chicken, I ate a toasted sandwich, and I ate successfully!!! Yay!!!

So, I phoned the surgery today and let them know that I wasn’t chewing properly, and that I didn’t require an unfill. I will not be getting another fill next Saturday either, that is when my next fill was scheduled. I think I am at a good place now. It has taken me nearly two weeks to come to terms with my chewing for god’s sake; I definitely need to adjust to this before I have more fill.

Ok, weigh in day. Well, it is no surprise that I lost weight this week, I have hardly eaten anything!

So, I am only going to claim a 1kg loss, instead of what the scales actually said. I refuse to be disappointed next week if I had gained back some of the weight I lost week if I claim it as lost and it was not a true indication of my weight. Does that make sense to you? 11kgs down now, and I feel like I am on top of this! Chew Chew Chew!

News just in...

2008-12-10T19:53:00.005+10:00

Well hello, fancy seeing you here…I have some updates for you.

I phoned the surgery today and asked for an appointment tomorrow to ask the surgeon to remove some fill. I arrived at this decision after breakfast this morning.

I prepared scrambled eggs with shallots [chopped up very finely] and served them with one slice of ham. I had already been awake a couple of hours and had a couple of glasses of water and a gorgeous hot cup of tea! That is what I do most mornings; I do not have an appetite upon wakening.

I really enjoy my morning cuppa.

So anyway, I serve up my yummy breakfast and it smells divine! I am pretty hungry, but my stomach isn’t growling, you know what I mean? So, I take a bite [less than a teaspoon] and chew chew chew, then swallow. Then wait. I sort of felt some tightening, and I thought I may have felt a little pain, but I really wasn’t sure, so I did the same again, small bite, and then chew chew chew, swallow. Same response, so I thought, Ok, this must be going to go down, I am not in pain, and it just feels tight. One more bite and yeow! Pain! The sort of pain that makes you stand up and bend over and cringe all at the same time. I walked around for about 20 minutes, then went and had a hot shower, washed my hair. That probably sounds weird, I know, but I thought having my hands above my head might help and if it didn’t, I thought it might distract me long enough for the food to go down.

It didn’t.

The only place that food was going was for a ride in the porcelain bus. So, up it comes. It definitely had not made it past the band, it was still food, chewed up well, and it looked like mush. So that was the decider for me, I looked at what came back up and thought, I cant chew any better than that. The bites were really small and I really took my time. So I made the call. I really want to work with the band and be successful on this journey, but I need to be able to chew my protein. It is my favourite food. Oh, and of course us carnivores really do appreciate the effect it has on our body and brain! I will update you on my progress tomorrow night.

On the job front, I had my second interview today and I feel like it went really well. They spoke way more about the management component of the role and I had the opportunity to speak about my strengths in this area. It is a tricky role, as it is the manager of client services in the marketing division. So of course, the role will be involved in marketing decisions and plans etc, but the fundamental role will be to efficiently and effectively manage all the resources that are available in the division. I would be so right for this role! I really would enjoy the challenge. Think happy positive thoughts for me!

What goes down, should stay down!

2008-12-09T00:12:00.001+10:00

I am having trouble keeping food down. I don’t know if it is because I am eating too fast, not chewing enough, or my band is too full already! I am starting to get a little worried though; I will not live like this. I am simply starving the weight off at the moment and each day that the vomiting continues, soft food choices are harder and harder to deny.

Yesterday I ate:

Breakfast
1 weetbix with 4 peach slices and 1 cup of trim milk. Stayed down no problem.

Lunch
1 small prepacked tin of tuna with tomatoes and onion sauce. Stayed down.

Afternoon Tea
Half a mango with 1 tablespoon of extra creamy vanilla yoghurt. Stayed down.

Ok, all relatively soft food so far, then dinner

Half of a chicken Parmajana from lenards with a quarter of cup of cauli, broc and carrots steamed. Had three small bites and was in excruciating pain. Waves of pain up my esophageus, trying to swallow all the extra saliva my mouth was producing. Couldn’t keep it up, made myself vomit. [I say vomit, because it wasn’t like Productive burping, I had to work to get this up] Then worried about hurting/moving the band. After the pain subsided, I was still feeling hungry, so I had a small tin of baked beans. Great!

Today

Breakfast
1 weekbix with 4 peach slices and 1 cup of trim milk. Stayed down no problem.

Lunch
Half a cup of macaroni and cheese with one slice of ham. Stayed down.

Afternoon Tea
Half a toasted sandwich with ham cheese tomato. Stayed down.

Dinner
Finely chopped chicken meat. About 3 tablespoons. Steamed cauli, broc and carrots. Same deal as last night, I chewed and chewed and chewed, but after the third mouthful, bad bad pain. Really bad pain. 2 hours later, the food finally came back up. I didn’t make myself vomit tonight and eventually the extra saliva and my esophageus spasms brought it up way less painfully than last night, but the process still took a couple of hours and left a dull ached in my chest. Once it had settled down, I had half a mango and 1 tablespoon of vanilla yoguurt.

Does this sound familiar to anyone else after their fist fill? I feel fine throughout the day, and of course when I am eating soft food, but as soon as I try meat for dinner, it won’t go down. In other news, I am drinking about 6 – 8 glasses of water and two cups of tea a day as well. Only 2 hours after I eat of course. Benefibre is my best friend right now. Seriously!

And I went to water aerobics tonight!!! Woohoo, I feel great about that. I just wish I could eat a real meal at dinner. I am going to cook a shepherd’s pie tomorrow night so that should stay down.

If any of my readers have experienced this as well, can you please let me know how you handled it? Thanks guys.

Sunday Fill-ins.

2008-12-07T16:21:00.002+10:00

Okay everyone, here are Sunday's fill-ins. Copy and paste them and fill in your answers. Don't change the highlighted words, and put any answer you like. If one of them doesn't suit, just change the words. They are not copywrited!!!! Lol

If you do them, drop me a comment so I can go and check out your answers.

I give myself permission to dream about reaching my goal weight.
The expected thunderstorm tonight is what I am looking forward to right now.
If I could change one thing about someone I love it would be to encourage one of my daughters to love herself more.
I have been in the pool three times today.
Tomorrow I am planning on doing some gardening, making rum balls and addressing my Christmas cards.
I am going to start exercising this week and go to water aerobics and walk at least 3 times.
I feel like I should move my body more, but I am too lazy. It bothers me.
One of my favourite things to do is soak in the spa with scented candles and enya playing softly in the background, with a mud mask on and my eyes closed.
I want to like myself as much as I like the rest of my family.
Hearing “little ray of sunshine” shortly after the birth of my first daughter is one of my best memories. [I still tear up every time I hear it!]

Settled stomach = swallowed food. [that stays down]

2008-12-05T21:13:00.002+10:00

Ok, obviously my stomach was swollen from the fill yesterday, as I ate tonight and kept it down! Woohoo!!!

Yes, Fatgirlslim, it did worry me that two teaspoons of quiche filled me up. I definitely don't want to live my life like that. In fact, I wouldn't. But my stomach just needed time to cope with the fill, so tonight I ate a pork sausage and two pieces of roasted potato. Every single thing I put in my mouth was chewed to the max, I was so fearful of getting stuck! But I refused to accept that I couldn't eat anything, that is why I went ahead and tried again tonight, to eat something.

I am so glad I did. I feel fantastic! The one sausage really filled me up and it was so reassuring to actually chew something and swallow and not get that pain that I am now used to after only 48 hours.

I am the most convinced that I have ever been that this will actually work for me! Every time I doubt the process from here on in, I will just revisit this post to remember my faith in the ability of the band to help me control my portion sizes and my appetite.

Yippeeee!!!!

The good, the bad, the ugly.

2008-12-05T08:47:00.001+10:00

Happy Friday to you all, or, as I like to call it in my neck of the woods, Weighday!

The Good.
I have restriction! Two mouth fulls of quiche for lunch yesterday and I was full baby! So, guess what I did? Had another bite!

The Bad
Which led to two trips to the bathroom at a public eating place, while having lunch with my friend. The second time I made the long trek to the bathroom, I passed someone smoking and I swear to God, I was gagging into my mouth.

The Ugly
Was what came out of my mouth! OMG…you will not believe how much saliva your mouth produces to help stuck food go down. It isn’t saliva as we know it normally either. It is thick white stuff that comes up in globules! Gross!!!

I am off shortly to have morning tea with a girlfriend and I don’t know what to order. Maybe just tea. Anyway, I weighed myself today and I have lost another kilo. I am down to 97kg now. That is 10kg lost in five weeks and means I have reached my second goal. I will have to think of some rewards for myself!

On the job front, I received a phone call yesterday; they are re-interviewing some of the original applicants. There were only four of us to start with, and I don’t know how many are going back for a second interview, but I am one of them…woohoo!!!!

Restriction is on it's weigh.

2008-12-04T11:24:00.004+10:00

Well, my first fill is done and dusted, and boy oh boy, did I need it!

Gradually over the past week, my portion sizes were creeping up until last night; I ate as much in one meal as I would have pre-band. It was still healthy food, but it was too much! Then, I did something that I haven’t done since banding day. I snacked! After dinner I had two Sao’s with butter and vegemite. Then about an hour after that I had a small snack pack of chocolate custard. Then about an hour after that I had a cup of tea and two tiny teddies.

I understand that I had no fill in and that this is a partnership; I get that. But remember, I am obese for a reason, and that reason is ultimately lack of willpower! So, anyway, I needed the fill. I need the portion size control back and the fill will give it to me. The procedure itself was fine; the only confronting thing about it was so many people in the room at once. My surgeon is teaching two local GP’s as well as her nurse so that there will always be someone available to fill or unfill. Clever hey? I won’t ever have to worry about not having someone available for a consultation.

I met and spoke to four of the other six ladies that were done on the same day as me. That was great, talking to other people that are at the same stage of their journey as me was wonderful. A shout out to Deb, Jaq, Gilly and Chris. If I spelt your name wrong, send me a comment and I will get it right next time.

The usual process for fills happened, I lay down, and they felt around to locate the port, held it firm with one hand and injected with the other hand. Dr Khor put in 3.5ml and then I had to sit outside and drink a cup of water and make sure I didn’t feel uncomfortable etc. All good. I don’t have to spend any time on fluids or a special diet post fill, just be careful and chew chew chew.

I asked the surgeon how often she expected to perform a fill on my band and she said I would have one more in a fortnights time, with another 3.5ml injected and she expected that to last for up to six months. She also said that I could book an appointment for a fill or unfill whenever I wanted as long as they were at least two weeks apart if it was for a fill. Of course, if I ever feel like I needed some taken out, to just call.

Confession time: on my way to the appointment, I stopped at McDonalds and bought a bacon and egg mcmuffin. That is the only thing on the menu I like and I haven’t had one for months and I thought I probably won’t be able to fit one in again anyway, so why not. I have bacon and eggs and a slice of toast for breakfast now sometimes anyway, so it probably wasn’t the worst thing I could of eaten. [Do you like that justification?]

Ok, ok, it won’t happen again!

The surgeon weighed me and I was 98 on her scales today. It is my weigh day tomorrow and I hope I am less than that on my scales. I would be really happy with 97 on my scales tomorrow. That will be a 10kg loss. I will let you know tomorrow.

Have not heard about the job yet, but I have heard that they are having a hard time deciding between two people. Hope I am one of them! I really would enjoy the challenge and I know I would be excellent in the role! Oh well, whatever will be will be.

Time for stats! Blah!

2008-12-01T15:03:00.003+10:00

Well, I hate evidence! I feel like such a fraud because every time someone asks, I tell them I have lost 9kigs. Thats because my scales say I have lost 9kgs, but I don't feel like I have and I feel the photos and stats I have just published on my stats page back up those feelings. Isn't it funny, I only believe the scales when it suits my agenda.

Anyway, it is photo and measurement day and the proof is in the measuring. My waist is actually one centimetre larger than one month ago. My arms haven’t moved at all. [My arms are my weight nemesis. I hate the size of my arms with such passion you wouldn’t believe it!] I only wore the short-sleeved shirt for this photo; I would never leave the house like this! I will continue to wear these same clothes for all my photos from now on, so that the comparison is easier to make. I hope.

And don’t even get me started on the photos. Oh well, I said I would post them, so I will. I don’t have to like them…

Weekly Fill-Ins.

2008-11-30T16:51:00.002+10:00

Have you seen these on other blogs? I only just discovered fill ins and I LOVE THEM! So, copy and paste onto your blog and fill in the bits for us readers to see. I am going to try and post some fill ins every Sunday. You only need to change the highlighted bits, but of course if you like, you can make it all up!!!

1. My stomach feels less bloated every day!

2. Cold drinks and frozen icy cups [3] are what I ate the most of today.

3. Outside today it was windy, muggy and hot. But the sky was so blue it hurt my eyes.

4. At home, in the pool, reading a book or on the computer is where I'd rather be at any given time.

5. The smell of mown grass reminds me of rain for some reason.

6. A positive answer about my job interview is what I need right now!

7. And as for the weekend, I went to the Heritage Village Christmas markets and bought a fantastic hat! Cooked pumpkin, spinach and ricotta cannelloni for all my children and their partners for dinner on Saturday night. Played Buzz Saturday afternoon with all the kids. Put Christmas up! Cooked 12 bottles full of homemade mango chutney!. Yummy! And did NO housework at all. There is not one single clean cup, plate, knife or fork in my house right now.

8. Tomorrow my plans include cleaning the bloody house and hopefully hearing positive news about my job!

9. This week I really want to maintain healthy eating and control my portion sizes.

10. That I have finished all my Christmas shopping is a big surprise to me right now.

I want to believe!

2008-11-28T11:17:00.005+10:00

I had my Friday weigh in this morning, and good news, I am down to 98kgs. Another kilo bites the dust.

You know, I read on blogs all the time when people lose the kilos, they often say “for ever” or “that’s a kilo I won’t ever see again”. I cannot bring myself to say that. I still don’t have absolute belief in my willpower or the power of the band to keep these kilos at bay for the rest of my life. I wish I did. But I just can’t let myself believe that.

98kg...That number still looks so big. Don’t get me wrong, I am so happy with the progress thus far. I am achieving weight loss at the moment by making wise food choices and limiting my intake. I don’t really feel the effect of the band yet, but I expected that. This is a time of healing and I haven’t even had my first fill yet. I have been using this time to form some good habits for when my band is inflated. Like not drinking with my meals and chewing all my food to a pulp, and only taking teaspoon sized bites of food. And of course portion control!!! Cause I am sure I could fit more in if I tried! But I am not going to. I really want this to be a long-term solution for me, and for that to happen, I need to contribute significantly to the partnership.

I am feeling a bit flat today, with the events in India on my mind and the tragic events that have occurred in this state of Queensland over the past week or so weighing heavily in heart. The latest heartbreaking event was was a fatal train accident yesterday in Qld, the train driver and his assistant died on impact. My husband was a train driver for 28 years and is now a train controller. The railway is such a close-knit community, we both come from railway families and have been associated with QR [Queensland Rail] all of our lives, when we lose two of our own, it affects the entire community. My thoughts and prayers are with the families of those affected by current world events and for those affected by local tragedies; my heart is brimming with sadness.

Waiting...

2008-11-26T11:03:00.006+10:00

I feel like I am in a holding pattern. I am waiting for so many events, things or moments to occur at the moment that I am sure I am missing out on my life!

I am waiting to hear back from the University re my interview last week

I am waiting to hear from the council regarding the public notice being published calling for submissions for MY Tea house.

I am waiting to make a decision regarding the Teahouse submission based on the Uni position.

I HATE WAITING!!! Lets ban it.

I am waiting for my first fill on Thursday the 4th of December because I feel like I am getting too hungry too soon right now.

I am waiting for my wounds to completely heal before I swim, and it is farking hot!

I am waiting for the go ahead to start gym again. I miss working out!

I hate whinging and whining. I’m sorry. I just feel so unsettled at the moment. I am such an ordered person [some would say controlling] and I don’t feel like I am in control at the moment.

Christmas…

I love Christmas. Doesn’t everyone? I love it because I feel like so many more people start to talk about the importance of family and make an effort to spend more time with those they love and that makes me feel warm inside. It always restores my faith in people for at least another year.

A long time ago, our immediate family decided to try to live our lives like it was Christmas at least once a week. So, we gather together and tell each other about our week and how much we love each other. We share food, sometimes taking turn in cooking. We laugh, sing, dance, play games, share news and enjoy each other’s company. The only thing that doesn’t happen is the giving of gifts in a formal manner. I say not formal, because often, one or more person may have bought or made something spontaneously for someone else through the week and brought it along for them. I love these times I spend with my family. It can be on a Tuesday, sometimes on a Saturday, but always once a week. I love my family.

So anyway, the preparation for the Big Christmas celebration [the December one] takes a while. I cut down a branch and paint it gold and hang it from the roof in the dining room over our table [I will post photos when it is finished] then hang homemade decorations from it. We decorate the inside of the house a lot, outside a little.

I bake, my daughters bake, my son in law practises new songs to play on his guitar or banjo, and we all think of appropriate gifts that we can make or buy. I love the homemade ones the best! My daughters and I make Christmas cards and mail them out. I pick the mangos off our trees and make some yummy chutney for our neighbours to say thank you for being such great people…the list goes on.

I read on another blog, a great idea about Christmas ornament swapping, so next year, I will get in early and organise that on this blog.

I guess that means I have committed to continuing to contribute to this blog for at least another year. I hope you enjoy the read as much as I enjoy the write!

Hark! The body is singing out loud you bloody idiot!

2008-11-21T09:33:00.005+10:00

Well, it’s Friday again already. Weigh day! And I am extremely pleased to announce that I have cracked the 100kg. Yippee!!!! I am 99kg, so that is an 8kg loss in three weeks. Happy? That doesn’t go close to describing how I feel. The amazing thing though, is that I don’t feel starving or deprived. I just feel satiated. Amazing!

Don’t get me wrong, if I smell something wonderful, I still feel like I want it, but I know that it is in my head, because my stomach doesn’t have room for it! This was proven to me last night! To tell you the truth, I was starting to think that I was going to be one of the first people that the band wouldn’t work for! I didn’t/don’t feel any different at all really…until the cannelloni incident occurred! I had my dinner, which was gorgeous, a slice of homemade quiche with heaps of yummy vegetables in it and one slice of leg ham. Then, my daughter reheated some spinach and ricotta cannelloni from the night before to have with her quiche. This was about 30 minutes after I had eaten. It smelt so good; I thought half a cannelloni tube wouldn’t hurt me, so I heated half a tube up in the microwave. I did already feel full from dinner by the way. Anyway, I sliced a piece off about 3mm wide and chewed like there was no tomorrow; it went down and tasted DIVINE! So, I sliced the next piece off, and while I was slicing away, I felt a small pain in my chest. It was hard to describe, because I have never felt anything like it before. But it wasn’t too bad, so I wasn’t that worried about it. I put the next piece of cannelloni in my mouth, chewed, chewed, chewed some more and swallowed. OMFG, the pain, the pain, the pain. It was awful and excruciating and unbelievable. I wanted to throw up and lie down and burp and have a big drink of water all at once.

What I did was lean over our front veranda and spit up! Noice! The last piece of cannelloni and heaps of saliva made a reappearance and the sharp pain disappeared. But the dull ache stayed with me for a couple of hours. Like I had bruised myself. You know what? I am glad that happened. It has given me faith in the band like no book or blog has. This was my body telling me in an extremely painful way, Tracey, you can’t eat like you did before. I am sooo happy about that, because that is what is going to help me lose this weight.

On the general news front, my interview for the Uni position is this afternoon, I am nervous, excited and hopefully, prepared. I will let you know how it goes as soon as I hear something.

I had an appointment with the dietician on Wednesday night and we went over the soft diet that I am on now. It is so good having that extra support. It is all laid out for me. She gives me an information sheet with the style of food I should be eating at each stage. There are example menus and general food ideas for each food group listed on a separate handout. Now I have a folder with menus from each stage so far:

1 week pre surgery Optifast diet
1 Day Post surgery Clear fluids in 50ml amounts
2 Day Post surgery Introduce tea, soup, working up to 100mls
4 – 6 Days Post surgery Blended Food up to half a cup six times a day
7 – 14 Days Post surgery Soft Food Diet [what I am on now]
14 Days post surgery The midband full diet [basically whatever, but with rules]

This has been really helpful. If any of you would like more information regarding menus etc, just let me know and I will email you. Basically the meeting went really well, she just went over the soft diet that I am on now for a week, then we discussed the midband full diet that I start next Saturday. I will need to keep a food diary of a couple of days so that I can show her I am eating balanced. My next appointment with her isn’t for a month now.

I feel fantastic and I am going to start exercising on Monday. I haven’t done any formal exercise since the surgery, just incidental walking and movement around the yard and shopping. So I am really looking forward to moving my body again.

Perpetual Motion!

2008-11-17T19:15:00.005+10:00

In the land of Tracey, perpetual motion is the order of the day. Once again, it never rains, until it pours!

At the local council meeting last Tuesday, my initial submission regarding the leasing of their building in the Kershaw Gardens for a Teahouse was approved. In a nutshell, what this means now is that they have to publicly advertise this and ask for any further submissions from interested parties. I.e.…can anyone do it better than I have suggested.

I knew all along that it was going to have to be publicly advertised.

What I didn’t know was going to happen, was that one of the councillors from the meeting decided that it would make great press to call the media [only local newspaper] and arrange for a story to appear very prominently on page 8 the next day. Basically, the story was telling the fine people of Rockhampton what a wonderful concept this was, what a glorious setting it would be to “take tea” and how they were expecting the locals to really get behind and enjoy the experience. Then, they spent the next two columns explaining how to get your submission in to Council in time and telling everyone that due public process meant they had to call for further expressions of interest.

Furious does not even begin to describe how I was feeling. The submission does not go in the paper until next Saturday and is open for 21 days, so in effect, they have given prospective entrepreneurs an extra 9 days to develop their business plan.

Following up on the heels of this information, I heard back from the CQUniversity regarding an application I submitted for a position vacant. I have been short-listed and have an interview this coming Friday at 2pm. I am so ready to get back behind a desk and start managing again. I love it! This position is Manager, client services in the marketing department. Right up my alley. I am sooo excited about the interview. Of course I will let you know how it goes. I have been madly researching, covering a lot of areas and revisiting old papers and systems from prior positions. Woohoo!!!

Finally, on the band front, well it had to happen didn’t it? I am hungry! Not starving hungry, but if I don’t eat for two to three hours now, I definitely feel it. I am still making good food choices, but I am hungry.

My appointment with the dietician is this Wednesday, and we will be discussing my food menu from Thursday on, so I will make sure I let you know what stage I move onto then. My first inflation appointment is Thursday the 4th of December, so that is only 2 and a half weeks away.

I don’t think I am drinking enough water, but it is difficult to fit it in when I have to stop drinking 30 minutes before eating and 1 hour after, particularly because the dietician wants me to have 5 or 6 meals a day. [morning and afternoon tea are not really meals, but the same rule applies regarding drinking] I will ask her about this on Wednesday.

Downsizing...FOR REAL!

2008-11-14T08:55:00.003+10:00

Well, it is weigh day at last...how excited am I? I am going to keep a stats page that shows measurements, weights and photos. I will update the photos and measurements once a month and the weights once a week. Here is the link

http://timeforstats.blogspot.com/

But anyway....drumroll please....my weight today is 100kg. That is a 7 kg loss in two weeks. Woohoo, happy with that. I just hope it is not all fluid etc and comes back on next week.

I am as happy as...

Eating to live for once in my life!

2008-11-13T08:43:00.004+10:00

All is well. My stomach wounds are healing nicely and the bloated feeling is leaving. Albeit slowly.

I called the surgeon about my throat because it worried me that I did not have any pain where she had actually OPERATED on me, but my throat felt like it was cut open…turns out the anaesthetist had done exactly that. The tube must have gone in sideways and he has cut me from the roof of my mouth, all the way down my throat to my oesophageus. I had a look after she told me and you can see a straight line all the way down.

Oh well, at least I know what it is now. I was just taking soluble Panadol a couple of times a day for it. Before I ate mostly, because as soon as I swallowed…anything, my mouth would send off thousands of squirts of saliva and thought burn the hell out of my throat. It seems to be nearly better today…hooray!

My eating has been fine, this is what I had yesterday, if you’re curious or interested:

Upon waking
Soluble Panadol
Glass of Berocca left to go flat in fridge then swallowed

Breakfast [as soon as the pills started their work]
Blended up weetbix with lowfat milk
Yoguurt with blended up fruit

Morning Tea
Snack pack

Lunch
Blended sweet & sour chicken and veges
Blended noodles

Dinner
Blended up roast beef, with blended up potato, pumpkin, beans. [I blended everything separately tonight, to have different tastes on my plate, it was great]

Supper
Cup of tea

Throughout the day, I had about 8 glasses of water
Moved my bowels twice
No stomach pain, but some of the five wounds are starting to itch! Good sign.

I have also been walking every day since the operation. Only around the yard [we have over an acre and a huge garden] As well as going shopping for dinner, visiting friends, taking my daughter to her sporting commitments etc etc, so life has seemed normal.

I was feeling a bit timid when I started the puree’d food, I really hate vomiting and do not want to do that at all if I can help it. But after a couple of days, I can see that all is well and that food is going down and staying down as it should. I am still not hungry by the way, but I am fairly tired by the afternoon, so I recognise that I need to eat for energy.

I seem to fall in a heap just when I have to get in the car and do the run around after school…lol. I am eating for fuel at this stage, as I understand that I still need to feed the beast! But I am not hungry. Weird. I was talking to my husband about it last night and he thinks it is amazing that I don’t actually feel like eating.

It is weigh day tomorrow, so I will do a small post tomorrow to show everyone the link to my stats page. I have resisted the urge to weigh myself, I really don’t want to get caught up in the daily torture, so I am going to try to keep weigh day to Friday each week.

Beans Beans, the magical fruit, the more you eat the more you toot!

2008-11-11T10:37:00.000+10:00

I ate something today! Blended up baked beans, and boy, were they yummy. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t hungry, or even a bit peckish, but I knew that I needed to eat something, and that is what the dietician suggested for brekky today and they tasted wonderful. I think I enjoyed it because it was the first time in 5 days that I actually had to even move my jaw to swallow something…

I go onto my puree stage from today, an example menu from the dietician goes like this:

Breakfast
Pureed porridge made on skim milk OR pureed baked beans
Pureed fruit and diet yoghurt

Lunch
Pureed casserole (meat/chicken/fish/legumes/lentils)
Pureed vegetables and/or soup
Custard

Dinner
Pureed meat/chicken/fish/legumes/lentils with stock or gravy
Pureed potato/rice/pasta
Pureed vegetables
Custard/yoghurt

Morning Tea and Afternoon Tea
Pureed fruit or fruit smoothie made on skim milk

I have to say, having a dietician to work with is wonderful. It takes all the guess work out of meal times. I love just having a look at the menu on the fridge and checking up that I am on track.

I have just finished putting together a crockpot meal for dinner tonight for the family. I am making sweet and sour chicken. Yummy! I bought small round plastic containers that I can freeze and I am going to put 250mls in each of them (6) and freeze them for later. I am making a beef ragout tomorrow, and I will do the same again. I hope to stockpile a nice assortment of dishes in the freezer that I can just pull out at the last minute for lunch and dinner.

The only problem I am having is my throat, it doesn’t seem to be getting any better and it hurts when I swallow. Has anyone else experienced this? It was sore after the surgery of course, I expected that from the anaesthetist’s tube, but it hasn’t gotten any better. I am taking soluble Panadol now for my throat pain, and my stomach wounds are not hurting at all! Weird! I would love to hear from anybody who has/had a sore throat after surgery. If it is still so sore by the end of this week, I will call the surgeons rooms. It sort of stings when I swallow anything, even water.

I haven’t weighed myself, I have decided that Friday will be weigh in day, so I will do that on Friday this week. I am going to start a new page [with a link on here of course] just for my measurements, weights and photos. I will let you know when I do that. I am only going to photograph and measure monthly, but I will weigh weekly.